Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Atonements
Atonement's
She will be the truth to help me stand as a man
She will balance my atonement, for peace of my sins
She will see pass ! the imperfections’,
As my Atonement's between myself and who as I am
She will believe
Leadership is more than flesh but actions, and words of a man
This catalyst is the forgiveness
Too, balance my life as I start again
Validation is to see
Atonement is a man trying to be
Infidelity is selfishness, made from weakness
A flawed true love, is all this can achieve
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
one more poem
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rett
Sat, 2011-03-12 11:00
Love it!
The only thing I think I would change is this line.
Too, balance my life as I start again (change Too to To)
Well done, deep thoughts!
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin