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WILD PLUMS
The wild plums are ripened now
along the old grown up fence line
using them we'll rediscover how
to make jellies and home made wine
So let's get our buckets out today
and walk across the pasture there
while warm winds make pine trees sway
we'll pick our plums and stories share
The plums are ripe yellow and red
a bumper crop from this spring's rain
this bounty of fruit nature bred
will be this fall and winter's gain
Let's get them home and can the jelly
and ferment a bit of drink
both of which will fill our belly
and also slake our thirsts, I think
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Mon, 2011-03-07 16:18
OK
now I'll need to know what it's slang for?
Spring has sprung
the grass has riz
I think I'll go
and take a whizz lol.............stan
author commentBlue_Halcyon
Wed, 2011-03-23 13:08
tee hee
Yeah, the slang meaning does make it rather comical. hehehe
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Bonitaj
Mon, 2011-03-07 13:38
Scribbler!
Really like the 'BOUNTIFULNESS' of this piece! Interesting how you're coming into Spring and I'm just coming to the end of Summer. Long may your harvest last!
Nice one!
Bonitaj
scribbler
Mon, 2011-03-07 16:22
hello Boni
My stuff is always 2 seasons behind(or ahead?) of ya'll in the southern hemisphere. Maybe I need to do a poem on muscadines(a type of wild grape) which ripen in earliest part of fall lol..............scribbler
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2011-03-08 12:46
hello
I still don't know either and await enlightenment lol. Glad you enjoyed this memory...........stan
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2011-03-23 16:18
shirley
LMPO..laugh my plums off. Funny how so many words are slang for something in other parts of the world. Plum wine and jelly.....................lol. No wonder this drew so few comments. ...............stan
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2011-03-23 16:27
plums
be sure to not turn them into jam.....................he says with perverted laugh...........stan
author commentNordic cloud
Mon, 2011-03-28 06:06
the flower of good and plenty
The plum, the flower of PEACE in Japanese, and for you the flower of good and plenty dear Stan with your petalled blossoms showering us with this most delightful poem of Spring, I will dance over to see you and taste the jellies and the wine with you any day, thank you for dishing it up for us.
I loved the damsons too, I don't remember their blossom, probably not so full as the plum, but possibly a relative of it? None to be seen here though. Bramleys apples and its cross fertilising Cox's Orange Pippins don't like the cold, perhaps they will grow again now the climate has become warmer.
I see the old PC's of painters from the 1900's and the scent fills my nostrils as the taste of the jelly and wine send me into reveries of past joy in my little family of four all throwing fruits down into aprons from the trees.
Once had some plum jam, with big plums in it, fermented and wow it was FANTASTIC!!
Thank you Stan from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Mon, 2011-03-28 07:27
hi Ann
just a recollection of days of youth. Thanks for the visit..................stan
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2013-01-20 03:46
Its funny how rhyme forces
Its funny how rhyme forces one to make little expressions that otherwise would appear too simple, or too odd, when I read rhyming poems, I get this feeling here and there, that the writer has been bothered by a need, and used energy and effort to find the right word, usually this little part of the poem jars in my mind, I wonder if it is true?
Bother Its not here, I shall edit this love to you and I did so enjoy picking plums with you. Ann.
here they are:-
"this bounty of fruit nature bred
and also slake our thirsts, I think"
A drawback of the rhyming poem perhaps.
I'll put my last one of that type, a simple one! Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Sun, 2013-01-20 10:51
Hi Ann
You are correct that this poem has some inversions which seem forced. This is one reason I dug it back up, trying for improvement lol. It will probably take some major revisions to lose the inversions and I'll not hesitate to do them once I come up with something better lol. Thanks for your input.............stan
author commentNordic cloud
Wed, 2013-01-23 10:47
inversions,
inversions,
I shall have to look that up as I have not met that description before,
you teach me stan, and that is interesting for me, thank you too.
Love Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Wed, 2013-01-23 11:17
HIAnn
No need to look it up. An inversion is whan a writer puts words in the reverse order in which they would normally occur, usually in order to force an end line rhyme. Make one sound like Yoda it does.lol.............stan
author commentNordic cloud
Tue, 2013-01-29 03:34
I am guilty of them then,
I am guilty of them then, inversions,
but not so much for the rhyme when I do them
its for the impact of the word, or separating words
without using uninteresting 'ands' and other little buckshee words,
to make it sound more poetic when otherwise it was a little banal too?
I use my own sense of emotion about these things, but am
learning what they are called slowly.
Thank you stan, luv ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.