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Seek and you shall find

Submitted by crypticbard on Sun, 2011-03-06 03:26

`

i will not be scorched
by the flame of another
i shall keep my fire
fueled only by the pure
kindling found deep
within the terrain
of my wooded home

the sun shall bring
enough light by day
and a torch, well-lit
shall provide steady
footsteps to tread
the dark by night

[as I search for what
I cannot find or name]

no light save by the moon
on occasion when
occasion finds
would reflect the sun bright
from yonder hemisphere
and translate another's flame

that illumines my weary soul
with tongues & quills of fire
which intermingle in a display
of fiery, scathing sparks
and warm, glowing rays
from gently wedded breaths

[to possess at last
what i have named & found]

`

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Not new but may deserve a look over and well, make overs are the thing of the day :-)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

crypticbard

Tue, 2011-03-08 08:52

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it was the actual line that the whole poem was built on. But I am open to see how it works without the "it." We'll never know what is on the other side until we cross over. Thanks for your feedback.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment

magics02

Wed, 2011-03-09 23:30

I admire this free verse and I also like what the message entails. I can not remember reading much of your work in the old site and I am sorry for that. I like the flow and how you end this one in particular this stanza stuck out for me:

the sun shall bring
enough light by day
and a torch, well-lit
shall provide steady
footsteps to tread
the dark by night

I like that and it reminds me of the historic cave men.

The only little stickler I have in this if you don't mind me saying is I notice you have lower case i's and then one capped I. Preference perhaps.

A lot of imagery to this write. I like it. Will visit you again.

Regards

Mona Magics

crypticbard

Thu, 2011-03-10 06:08

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thanks heaps for reading and responding. I am sure that once the data of the former neo is again accessible we shall be able to 'unearth' many lost poems. I suspect that some of them are being reposted here and that is a good thing, in my books.

I do not usually use lower case i's in my poems, specially not these days. In this particular poem I have deliberately employed this to emphasise the I in that one line... which would indicate that of all the I's in the poem, at that point the poetic persona is sure of their I-ness.
Perhaps, that would allow for a nuance that would otherwise just go unnoticed.

Again, thanks. CB

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment

magics02

Thu, 2011-03-10 08:45

For at least giving me the courtesy of a response and I totally understand that I i thing:) Look forward to reading more of you. Have a great one

Blessings
Mona

loved

Thu, 2011-03-10 08:43

loved's picture

i wonder
lovely beauty
i shall read once again
when
i am out of the woods

of my wooded home.........wow

loved

crypticbard

Thu, 2011-03-10 23:34

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we find contentment and satisfaction
within the bounds of our home area
and rarely do we venture out to see
a wider world although adventure
may take us to new experiences.
Which is not a fault but a comfort thing it seems.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

author comment
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