Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
"Bringing Darkness" (Prayer of a demon)*small edit*
My body devoured,
bloodied and battered,
stomach splayed open,
my blood spattered.
My mind broken,
my tongue split,
infectious to all,
everything sick.
A ravenous apatite,
for our evil ways,
I'm looking forward,
to horrible days.
Murdering angels,
I can do much more,
I will grow darker,
more violent than before.
Grant my wish,
dark lord from below,
let me kill gods,
allow me to grow.
Burn an X in my head,
heal my festering wound,
send me to earth,
uncaged from my tomb.
Ending whats good,
using the failings of man,
I will replace it,
bringing dark to the land.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Didn't think editing this would move it back into the stream, sorry guys.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Maryland
Favorite Poets
I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also, for I find it to be of great inspiration.These are lyrics to a song by Monster Magnet called Ozium, it never fails to put me in the writing mood and thought I would share it, lol., " I'm up to my brain in the mire of an ancient swamp, Pteranadon smiles at me and flies up to god, Baby let me drink deep from your globes of reality, Writhe your naked ass to the mindless groove, baby give your tongue a taste and follow me up to my room, the bullgod has your head, and baby thats just fine, now it is time, we became the mighty cell, wrap those hungry jacks? to the mindless groove, they say we've got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, baby, the faster you gyrate the faster we'll be there, arms up overhead, a goddess in the ancient song, work that mighty world to the mindless groove, they say weve got a life time but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, they say weve got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied I will not be denied"
Comments
lou
Sat, 2011-03-05 06:07
DARK and Gory
love it !!!!!!
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
KINGZOMBIE
Sat, 2011-03-05 11:02
Thanks lou
I know this post is't quite for all, but I knew a few like you that would enjoy it.Thanks for the comment lou:-)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentKINGZOMBIE
Sat, 2011-03-05 10:32
Thanks Rosi
I used some of your suggestions and played with another.I like the festering womb change but I don't see this particular demon as female.I'm still not done playing with this poem, Ive been working on it a while.I'm glad you liked it Rosi, thanks for the help:-)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentKINGZOMBIE
Sat, 2011-03-05 16:40
Very interesting
I didn't look at it that way, thanks Rosi:-)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentHooded Stranger
Sat, 2011-03-05 17:12
KZ
KZ,
as usual I enjoyed your dark write. It does need some looking at if you want to bring uniformity to it. This is begging to be song. Just need to create a chorus and tidy up the line lengths and syllable counts. Happy to oblige, but thought you might like the challenge first.
regards,
HS
--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
KINGZOMBIE
Sat, 2011-03-05 19:58
Thanks HS
I'm not quite happy with the end, but my biggest problem with it is "From fiery skies, I see dark angels fly,
but from the ground, it is time that I buy."I like it but I don't feel like its working.I'm sure I will figure it out with some more thought.Thanks for the comment.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-03-07 11:44
Dear KZ,
Very exciting and enticing work! With this line:
Grant my wish, dark lord from below,
I would have gone with:
Grant me my wish, shadow lord from below.
But that is just eddy styx talking. I liked some of Rosi's ideas, too. I think this piece takes the reader on a rollicking ride through a demons emotions and desires. Another great one from you. Kudos!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-08 04:28
Thanks Cat
Glad you enjoyed it, I knew you would;-)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentEduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-04-26 00:21
KZ
This is good, I truly like where you are going here.
It just seem that some of the the stanza's you where looking to rthym so much that they sound forced. I love EphC
version. just re-read and see if you can not make it so robotic. the idea is so good, it just needs a little and I mean a little tinkering with.
Please understand it's just my opinion. it's your poem
PS. here an ides take it out of western classic and do it in freeform just let your thoughts flow make it enjanbement.
Please don't be offened by my critic it
s only how I see it someone of more skill than I, will see it different.
thanks for posting this walk through the darkness you see.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-04-26 10:28
Thanks for stopping in ....
I prefer the western classic style, I feel that freeform the way I write it usually lacks heart/emotion.I find rhythm in the rhyme, it becomes a heartbeat to me, bringing the post to life.I am pretty much done with doing any major changes to this.Thanks for stopping in and commenting.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author comment