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"The Reaper Who Touches"
This demon’s tongue and its hollow soul,
gravediggers that dig an empty hole.
The angel’s wing and her gentle ways,
dying people and their futile days.
A bloodied face and an impaled eye,
a lover’s spat, both will die.
A baseball bat and a caved in face,
yellow police tape now wraps this place.
A gunshot accompanied with an exploded chest,
this careless cop, wore no vest.
A hand that holds a knife of hate,
it hits its mark, yet shares ones fate.
The reaper who touches our life’s demise,
looms in the shadows, of all that dies.
How some suffer to stay alive,
but without death, none would thrive.
This darkness comes for one and all;
now break your neck, as you trip and fall.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Maryland
Favorite Poets
I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also, for I find it to be of great inspiration.These are lyrics to a song by Monster Magnet called Ozium, it never fails to put me in the writing mood and thought I would share it, lol., " I'm up to my brain in the mire of an ancient swamp, Pteranadon smiles at me and flies up to god, Baby let me drink deep from your globes of reality, Writhe your naked ass to the mindless groove, baby give your tongue a taste and follow me up to my room, the bullgod has your head, and baby thats just fine, now it is time, we became the mighty cell, wrap those hungry jacks? to the mindless groove, they say we've got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, baby, the faster you gyrate the faster we'll be there, arms up overhead, a goddess in the ancient song, work that mighty world to the mindless groove, they say weve got a life time but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, they say weve got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied I will not be denied"
Comments
lou
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:05
HI
I really loved the imagery and the atmosphere you have created.
if you read my poetry, you will see that i'll lean towards the dark side, but this is gruesome lol !!!
having said said that in stanza 2, line 2, you say lovers' spat, I know that it ryhmes with bat, but spat feels like a very tame word for such an extreme poem, can't think of an alternative at the moment.
Great stuff .
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:14
Thank you
I understand what you mean by my usage of the word "spat" it is true that I used it for the rhyme, but I also used it to show how a simple lovers spat can turn horribly wrong.I do intend on reading you writing, and the fact that you tend to write dark makes me want to read it even more.Thanks again Lou, I'm glad you liked it, thank you:-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentlou
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:31
hi
I'll send you a pm wth one of my poems.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mona
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:49
Fantastic, Awesome..........................................
I don't care if I will be criticized by using a lot of adjectives to describe this poem, coz its really is.
Bravo
Mona Rose
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 07:55
Thanks mona
I sure hope nobody will be critical of your comment.The only thing they should be critical of is my post in my opinion.And thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed this write.
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentKINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 08:58
Thank you Rosi
I used your suggestion, and your help was very much appreciated.I can't thank you enough, and I'm so happy you liked it.
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentKINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 09:00
Thank you
I'm glad you liked it shirley:-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2011-03-01 11:49
Dear KZ,
My favorite lines are:
A hand that holds a knife of hate,
it hits its mark, yet shares ones fate.
The reaper who touches our life’s demise,
stands behind, all who dies.
Suggestion:
My tongue kind of tripped over the line with the "dumb" cop. I think another word for dumb would be better. Maybe, the brainless imprudent or reckless would work better?
All in all it is an excellent dark write!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
KINGZOMBIE
Tue, 2011-03-01 12:11
Thank you Cat
I have a better word for it, let me know if this word works better? thank you:-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2011-03-01 16:58
reaper
For some reason this reminds me of a tombstone that reads "I expected this, just not so soon". Here are some alternates which might help a bit :
L-2 gravediggers digging an empty hole
L-6 mere lovers' spat, yet both will die
L-9 a gunshot explodes unguarded chest
L-14 standing behind each who dies
take or leave at your discretion...............scribbler
KINGZOMBIE
Wed, 2011-03-02 01:54
thank you scribbler
I will consider your suggestions, and I think I will have that quote on my tombstone, lol.Thanks scribbler.
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
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