Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A NIMROD'S BIRTH ( formerly 1st untitled)
I won't have time to post this Monday. Perhaps I'll be forgiven for posting it today
My memory takes me way back when
I was maybe six or eight
a Memphis city kid back then
I know that I could hardly wait
Tomorrow this tow-headed son
goes hunting rabbits with his dad
I just know it's going to be fun
having heard tales since a wee lad
How can I hope to go to sleep
on this cold night in bed so warm......
Wake Up! Time to out of bed creep!
rabbits await and nearly swarm!
Mom has fixed biscuits and gravy
milk for kids, coffee for dad
uncombed hair is tangled and wavy
up 'fore the sun is not so bad
Now we load into the station wagon
including a beagle name of Kim
who's alert with tail a'waggin'
dad,me, and my brother Jim
Time to wake up once again
we're now at our destination
an overgrown and brushy wide flood plain
Kim hits the briers, no hesitation
Suddenly he strikes a trail
revealed by both howls and barks
the prey will circle without fail
I flush a flock of meadow larks
I stay with dad ( too young for a gun )
brother James goes toward the right
as we hear beagle music, having fun
awaiting hare to come in sight
Kim circles closer, guns go bang !
rascally rabbit ziggs and zaggs
dad and Jim both holler Dang!
they've missed this one won't go in bag
The rabbit swims a nearby river
we call and call Kim off the trail
excitement, not cold, makes me shiver
here comes Kim wagging his tail
We only hunted half a day
I know now because I was so small
how many rabbits I can't say
but we all really had a ball
Back to the old car, unload the guns
load the dog and stow the game
a father and his two young sons
no other hunt will be the same
That day I fell in love with woods
an appreciation still held dear
I still own rugged hunting goods
and love the autumn of the year
That first hunt is so far away
fifty years, eight hundred miles
dad and James now gone to stay
I still recall the hunts and smiles
Now my hunting's solitary
and won't go on too many years
for time counts and is arbitrary
and cares not for an old man's tears
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I can't seem to find a title. Suggestions?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
crypticbard
Mon, 2011-02-28 01:53
The Hunt
or The Hunter? I know I despise having to come up with a title. But then titles can be very useful. I'm not sure the above suggestions are any good to you but am putting it out there anyway for your perusal. Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:14
hello CB
can't use The Hunter as I already have another poem with that title. Thank you for the suggestions............scribbler
author commentamalzamani
Mon, 2011-02-28 04:06
I was hoping you'd include
a verse or two of how you'd cook the rabbits :)
title?
(1) The day I fell in love with woods
(2) How many rabbits I can't tell
(3) First Hunt
(4) Rascally Rabbit Ziggs and Zaggs
enjoyable one...thankyou Stan
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:16
greetings Amal
why they'd be fried with biscuits and gravy of course lol. Appreciate the read and title ideas.................stan
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:20
hi shirl
Just trying to show that hunting is about much more than the kill. The end realization of so many hunting companions now being gone Is sad in life as well as poem. Glad you dropped by................stan
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:17
or..... the day some rabbits
or..... the day some rabbits died....
Jus' kidding.
;-)
~A
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:23
hello Anna
thank you for the sincere suggestion.................riiight...................scribbler
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:32
riiiiiiiight!
riiiiiiiight!
All children need bonding. And that hunt did not make you a killer, so it's all good. At some point we all cherish these memories of bonding with one another; after all that is said and done,
it's what makes us human and gives meaning, eh?
Hugs,
~A
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:48
anna
right............without extra iiiii's..............stan
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 12:04
hello Bee
I hardly ever consider a poem finished. Thanks for coming by........................stan
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-02-28 11:30
Dear Stan,
Your account of your first hunting trip adventure reminds me of the early days. As a kid and a tomboy, I used to get up long before the sun and have a quick breakfast with my dad, then off to the lake to fish! The other two girls, my older sisters and mom would stay behind, abed. Dad and I wouldn't return until we had enough fish for a meal. I always helped Dad clean the fish we caught by scraping scales. Then we would wash up and have a feast. Dad was the cook and those fresh fish were a mouthful of heaven.
As for a title, maybe: First Hunt, Hunter Days or Flood Plain?
Thanks for the returned memories!
Always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 17:44
Hello Cat
First fishing trip I was so young as to not even remember it lol. you are right about how much better fresh fish taste, Always glad to have company on memory lane..........................stan
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-02-28 12:28
I was invited to a rabbit meal
i always thought
rabbits were as naive as me
till a cooked rabbit
on the dining table i did see
thank god
it wasn't me
none the less
lovely was
ur rabbitory
loved
scribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 17:45
greetings
thanks for coming by with such kind comment...............scribbler
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-02-28 17:48
to all
thanks for the many title suggestions.................scribbler
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2011-03-01 11:55
hi Xena
It may be a contradiction but I also feel for my prey and give a pause of respect when ever I harvest an animal. But at the same time I relish a good meal of wild game lol........................stan
author comment