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His worth in pool
His worth in pool
The dripping sweat
ripples his reflection.
He stares drained,
knowing this
battle has
ended.
No pleasure in this
changing mirror,
quiet reflection
he trembles.
What was his worth,
he had slaughtered
brothers, fathers
on both sides.
Those with sword,
those he lead.
Would he be
forever the rebel
hunted,
willing to die
for his people
for beliefs his
beliefs.
He stands,
leaves no image
to the water….
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Wil we ever appreciate..
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-02-28 02:04
Thank you,
Thank you Rosi, I have a few ideas about this poem so i may change it slightly. Again i say thank you, Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-02-28 02:05
Thank you,
Thank you Chris for your comments and your time. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-02-28 02:07
Cris,
Chris i have no idea how my reply ended above, Thanks again Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2011-02-28 06:56
If it were my poem, I'd omit
If it were my poem, I'd omit the last line, Roscoe as the title alludes to it.
He leaves his face would have more significance which is after all, your intent, n'est-ce pas?
The last line is always the *kicker* in the poem and should convey the deeper meaning.
Read some W.S. Merwin poetry.
~A
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-02-28 07:07
This face,
This face i think has more meaning, as it's this time. That face, that thought, that moment he can't take with him if he has to continue. I hope i'm correct, but i will think about it. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-02-28 17:38
I decided,
I decided to change the ending, but not the way suggested, I believe i've got it right, and hope you approve. Thank you, Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentmona
Tue, 2011-03-01 01:15
We don't appreciate what we have until we lose it.
Dear R.
In any battle, we may lose we may not,but I believe even with the winner there is a lost.
Well done
Mona Rose
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-03-01 02:02
Thank you,
Thank you Mona, stay safe. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentmona
Tue, 2011-03-01 03:35
I will my dear,just we want the Western and the Amirican Army ..
I will my dear,just we want the western and the Amirican Army to leave us alone.
we know how to solve our own problems
Thanks again my dear
Mona Rose