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LATE WINTER'S NIGHT With Shirley Harrison's help

Submitted by scribbler on Sat, 2011-02-26 11:16

In a dark and varied landscape
on a night of sickle moon
all seems stark and severe

As were the artist's medium
a charcoal sketch
on gray paper, bare

Even the sky is smudged
by stratus thumbs
smearing random stars
from west to east
leading to further decreased
ambient light

Skeletal trees upward reach
and with naked arms beseech
a return of leaves and warmth
having become cold
inured to their own nudity

Lowly lurking brush and bushes
sullen, awaiting winter's end
ready to resume slow invasion
of graceful looming pines

Bodies of water
be they still or moving
the usually raucous sylvan bars
are hushed this night
by the silence of approaching ending

Other than the whimpering wind...silence
..no frogs
...no insect chorus
....no night birds
.....far too early for whippoorwills

Only the distant complaints
of hungry coyotes

A late winter night
absent even the bitter bite of cold
tired.............as is the world
holding its breath
...............awaiting..........
Spring

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Comments

scribbler

Sat, 2011-02-26 17:02

shhhh!

don't tell Susan lol. We are having a false spring here and some wild flowers and trees have been tricked into blooming. I expect another snow before it's over..............stan

author comment

Orphani

Sat, 2011-02-26 13:40

Dual writes are good exercises,but seldom produce good poetry because to blend the separate voices in poetry often produces a compromise of two divergent ideas, although that is not evident here, the piece has a lackluster detachment that makes it stilted and remote. The second third and final stanza show some skill and promise, but over all the piece is one dimensional and to cliche lacking depth of form and composition. Please don't be discouraged by this. Poetry is a formidable art to master and takes much skill to master with any degree of competence. You are both on your way to that awesome goal, and I am grateful you are taking your first steps. The key to growth is awareness.

scribbler

Sat, 2011-02-26 17:04