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Elven Racial Purity, Misanthropy or Perfectionism?

I loved you,
deeply,
madly,
truly...

until I found out
you were human.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

it just formed in my head on the way home in the bus and I felt like writing it down.

Judge me as a lousy poet for it.

If you really want a slinging match on quality poetry I will start re-posting some of my earlier works.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

but I stand by the new comment

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and I freely admit my poem was trite and unoriginal, it just caught my fancy and decided to post it.

Now if you want to see a poetry pissing contest just wait till I post some of my earlier stuff for bee, scribbler and a few others.

They could start with Watermana
http://new.neopoet.com/node/2465

Time goes round in a straight line
http://new.neopoet.com/node/2507

and I have several hundred to follow.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have already admitted this is a lousy poem.

So, apart from the "Fuck your belief of my intent."

Sure, pax.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

No-one understands me. My intolerance is a sign of my inner beauty disguised to protect myself from the world.

And if you believe that you will probably also believe that every poem on this site has some value, when a fair percentage of it is trite crap.

I like making friends here. I have supported many newcomers to become decent poets. But I will never pretend to like or support a lousy poem. I honestly do my best to find value in them but some simply have no value. If a poem uses the word "beauty" 3 times it is a pretty good indication of a Hallmark writer, not a poet. And these people in particular get really nasty when you give critique. These people do not belong in a poetry workshop.

Now when the real new,Neopoet gets up literally thousands will be crowding to join because they get the honesty they get no-where else on the web. The Hallmarkers can frankly fuck off and probably would not pay for Premium membership anyway.

The site is under severe financial stress right now and we need Premium members and donations.

Let's make it work by both being friendly, but above all honest.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Now I am going to add my two cents in. In the beginning... There is a paragraph at the opening bell of this [new] site, that says essentially, that this is not a place to post every @#%&ing thing you have ever written. Please do not revive all your old stuff, and make this the dumping grounds for it. I have noticed that many have utterly disregarded this directive. Enough said? ~ Geezer

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Jess, you're neglecting the obvious, some poets (and I have made mention on their poems)
are poets that will make money (while some of us are starving) writing for Hallmark or sell those types of poetry books to the general public for Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc.

Neopoet is a workshop for all types of poetry. We may not all be Sylvia Plaths, Bukowskis or Nerudas in the making. However, we just all might have a *niche* market, so to speak, and Kookaburra willing, we'll all become better poets with some honest critique; for the critiques we
are given here, if honest means we care enough that poets become successful in whichever corner of the marketplace they find themselves drawn to by fate, example and conviction.

~A

and respect your talent and intellect, but Hallmark is not poetry, it is a degrading dumbing down of emotion. I will not respect or support anyone who writes to that market.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Thanks for the love. It is returned as you well know in kind.

However, my point is that there is room for everyone on this site, The poet whose gift is in writing cards and the poet whose gift it is to write poetry like you would have.

~A

nah, tellem nuthin

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

another thing. There are also those who are directly ignoring the plea to not post more than one work every 24 hrs. [Unless they are in a workshop, and the work pertains to that particular workshop.] As of yet, I have not seen any workshops announced! As to having a paid subscription, [premium or otherwise], I have asked a number of times; "What do I get with a premium subscription, and how much does it cost?" i have yet to get a straight forward reply. instead of grousing about who's ego is bigger, and trying to figure out how to deflate such, why don't we put our heads together and figure out a way to help the site become solvent? Who would have any objection to a lousy poet, who writes for the emotional needs of those in need of comfort, sending a portion of the monies collected from said enterprises, to the site in the form of subscription or donation? Elf? I think you make a mistake when you decry the talent of those who write for Hallmark. There are a great many people who do not have the talent to write an emotional poem, but want to express their heartfelt condolences at the loss of a loved one, or the joy at the wedding of two people they love. Yes, it is commercialism. So is selling a book of poetry, be it Shakespere, Plath, or any of the historical greats. Not all works of art, are just for the sake of art. Many of the famous painters and sculptors, sold their craft. Michealangelo didn't paint the Sistene chapel for free. Rodin sold his sculptures. Now I have said my piece... ~ Geezer

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Premiums and contributions will finance it once it gets up again. But I have a personal disrespect for money that comes from Hallmarkers.

they are not poets. they are not workshopperss, they have no place on this site.
just my personal opinion, of course, but if we allow them in Neopoet will become Hallpoet.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Brilliant! Marvelous! Absolutely wonderful! Astonishing! Amazing! marvelous!

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!!!!

LMFAO

Sorry, couldn't help it.

Actually, I like your title, it has connotations of racism and racial supremacy, and Ithought to myself "from Jess's pen? No fucking way."

For those who desire simpering, cliched, "oh, you're SO wonderful, and SO AM I" love poems...

http://www.lovepoetry.com/

Now, please excuse me...I need to go and puke, and scrub that disgusting love poetry site from my poetic sensibilities.

Having said that....Hallmarker's cash is just as green as mine, or anyone else's. If their premium membership helps Neopoet's bottom line then I'm all for letting them post a few trite cliches of so-called poetry. We can politely and smilingly take them apart. It will be a "workshop opportunity", a chance to help these poor poetically-challenged people improve their skills to the point where they may actually write poetry, instead of garbage.

I would also point out that hallmark "poetry" really is where the money is, and if some poor word-slut needs to pad his pocket with the banal inane rubbish in love-crap "Roses are red" cards or "Everything is beautiful, including you" chap books, it is neither my place to criticize that person, nor to help his bottom line by buying his apalling shit.

I've said this before: a free site like this one will ALWAYS attract flies. It is our collective job to ensure those flies don't breed, produce maggots, and consume the site.

Have a good one.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

let them give us their slut money,
but where did the racist term come from?

nah, tellem fuckem
nah, tellem nuthin

is a term used by production workers against advertising executives.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Bankei wrote a long time ago something to this effect....." your life is your poem."

Hence the variations of banal to sublime. Some are too easy to fathom, others are ripe rip-offs and some are incorrigible elfin rash.

Guess with which I identify? I add to Bankei, now write the truth of your expression.

~A

This is the reason so many people have issues after they get married. They think the person they are marrying is perfect, and then they are rudely awakened.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I AM perfect!
(whine)
I AM!
(sob)
Perfect! PERFECT, I TELL YOU!!!!

LMAO

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I think with this poem we need to look at its intent, which is, to undercut the cliché. I think it's a clever little piece and does what it intends well. If you are fighting cliché, you have to use cliché, otherwise it becomes overly convoluted. Poetry is about concise images, clichés (as terrible as they are) have a strong image, they're almost like an overused symbol; they're cliché because they have become banal. It's the repetition that makes them bad, it doesn't mean the image is. Many things in literature are banal or cliché, don't you think writing about human existence, our own experience, hasn't been done since the created of poetry? To avoid cliché you actually look at the object and describe it. The moon is not round or white or clear. By describing the moon without these words alone will avoid cliché.

I think everyone is forgetting the very last line in this poem, "until I found out
you were human." This stanza and last line totally rejects the romantic cliché of the first stanza. It rips it open ironically, and, makes you laugh.

This poem wasn't intended to offer transcendence (or immanence for that matter)-- you can't read Ezra Pound or Baudelaire all the time.

I believe people need to look at intent and how the form and techniques aid that intent throughout the internal working of the poem.

My few critiques are, I think the title could be shorted; I think 'Misanthropy' would be a very fitting title as it alludes to the humour and irony of this piece. Also I think you could drop the 'until I found out'; the audience doesn't need this direction as it's stated in the title (we know the subject is humanity). I hate to suggest rewritten lines, but I think 'then you were human', would add a little bit more punch (you do not need to take on this suggestion) , as the object of desire has literally become real (as to opposed to being the perfect 'object').

I like this and it's a nice little concise poem. I want to reiterate in defense of this poem, that we can't be the amazing confessional and satirical poets all the time, sometimes we just write some little in-jokes:P.

For people who doubt the integrity of a poem like this (which I think is well constructed) I suggest them to lookup Neil Gaiman's 'The Day the Saucers Came'.

You hit it right on the nail.

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