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The Mist
An evening mist brings forth
Sadness within my bones.
The light scars the being I
am. Light nor darkness
bringeth me a dove.
The peace of a dove will
never quiet my home of pain.
I live in the heart of the mist.
I see nothing. I hear nothing I
speak nothing.
The Cloud upon the ground
visits me with the utmost of
ambush. I flee to no gain. I sit
deep inside of the mist.
It brings me much sorrow!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Pixee
Fri, 2011-02-25 11:27
Hello Morgana
I am appreciate you taking the time to critique my poem. I believe you are right. I lost my thought at the end. I do like the way you ended it. I fitted in great. It made it complete and in tone all thru the poem. Thank you again. You have
made me that much better of a poet. Read you later.
Quote: Poetry is the living soul of the writer.
by Pixee
Cheers,
Pixee
author commentDalton
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:29
Pixee
It seems in this piece you are feeling rather trapped in the darkness. Eloquent and scans well throughout, however I tend to agree with Morgana. Perhaps still in need of a few slight tweaks here and there. Fine effort. If stars were allowed you'd get four, but then I'm hard to please. Thanx for sharing.
John
Candlewitch
Fri, 2011-02-25 11:36
Hello Pixee!
This is the first of your poems that I have read. I have seen your name around Neo, on others whom I read, in their comments. I became curious and came to read your work. I like this poem very much and can relate to it. I also agree with Morgana's ideas.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Pixee
Fri, 2011-02-25 11:34
Hello Dalton
I thank you for taking the time to respond to my poem. Like I told Morgana she and you are right. If it weren't for poets like you both I would not learn. I appreciate you for taking the time to send me your opinion. Keep on keeping on. Read you later.
Quote: Poetry is the living soul of the writer.
by Pixee
Cheers,
Pixee
author commentPixee
Wed, 2011-03-23 09:33
Hey Lady
I thank you for your time to comment on my poem. This poem touched me when I was writing it. This how I feel each and eveyday. My days are always eclipsed by the Mist. Thank you again.
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 19:21
hi pixie
on my late arrival I see you have already received the advice I would have give, but I did like the imagery...........scribbler
Pixee
Wed, 2011-03-23 09:39
Hello Scribbler
Thank you for your comment. With every comment I get on my poems mean a lot to me. It helps me to be a much better poet. I gave this poem a lot of thought. It came from the abyss of my soul in which I live. I appreciate your time to comment to my poem. It will help me become that much more of a better poet.
Thank you!
Pixee
author commentloved
Tue, 2011-03-15 14:20
Sadness within my bones.
Sadness ?????
within my bones.
PERHAPS DID YOU MEAN COLDNESS
YES,
SADNESS IS BAFFLING ....
UNLESS I'M OFF COURSE
OF METAFOR or PHOR
of course
loved
raj
Tue, 2011-03-15 14:51
Dear Pixie
i read the following piece of your poem again and again which truly creates the mood of this write...it is so very effective...
The peace of a dove will
never quiet my home of pain.
I live in the heart of the mist.
I see nothing. I hear nothing I
speak nothing.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh this brings the mood of your poem alive...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Pixee
Wed, 2011-03-23 11:12
Hello to YOU!
I have had a hard time getting in the newly remodeled Neopoet. I thank you for your comment. I think this one of my favorites. I haven't written to many poems, but I think I have gotten a few people to comment. It makes me a better poet each time some one like you comment on my poems. I appreciate your time and comment. I hope to be writing again as soon as I can get the glitchess out of my puter, in order to get on neopoet. I hope it will be soon. Read you later.
Cheers,
Pixee
author commentPixee
Thu, 2011-03-31 08:13
Hello Seren
Nice to see you. I am glad that you like the poem. I think I am getting better in my poetry. I have grown up. I hope to keep posting every now and then. Thank you for commenting it means a lot coming from a poet like you.
Friend Alway,
Pixee
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