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Fading Memories
`
Gnarly fingers
veil his face,
skin thin and crusty
at spots:
splotched parchment
of years in the sun
water
cascades
from his forehead to
his chin
then meets gravity;
raindrops
through his soil-grimed
singlet, jeans and boots;
hours of toil
simmer away
in rivulets
of forgetfulness.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Janice Pearce
Mon, 2011-02-21 09:25
Fading memories
I wanted a little bit more of this, but it is what it is. Nicely written. Would leave out raindrops 12 line, but just my opinion :)
crypticbard
Tue, 2011-02-22 06:59
Thanks Janice
Yes, I have had my eye on 'raindrops' and you may be right there. Let me look into that suggestion. Thanks.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentcrypticbard
Tue, 2011-02-22 06:56
Quite so Ian
that was the general direction it was going. Maybe a reinvention of self. Maybe a complete transformation. Cheers, CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentcrypticbard
Tue, 2011-03-08 09:27
Nope, Ian
no revisions or edits. At least not that I know of.
In the old page format one could click on a tab that gave you access to the different revisions and edits on a post. This present one does not have it readily accessible.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-02-21 15:32
You vanish
and
when you surface
you are a new man, man
very poetic and creative
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
HAVE i KEPT YOU SOOOOOOOO BUSY
WELL GOOD FOR YOU
loved
crypticbard
Tue, 2011-02-22 06:53
Yes, very busy indeed
and looks like I will be busier still so apologies for the silence and seeming inactivity. :-)
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Tue, 2011-02-22 09:05
i wish u all the success
in that business
which u also need very much
how i wish
u enjoy every moment
as such
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2011-02-24 04:51
Thanks J
This poem is posted up in about 3 other sites which have image posting features, and yes, it is of an old face with hands covering it! By your response it seems the photo was not all that essential after all to the poem. Thank you again.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentcrypticbard
Thu, 2011-02-24 06:10
And, the funny thing is
we don't need to go deep into the bush to find people like this.
It amazes me that a large part of our local colour is in the people
that make this vast land livable and a place to call home!
I have travelled to many towns and cities all across Oz and
still marvel at the achievements and continuing battles to keep
a wild and in many parts still untamed continent. To me, this
person is just one among many that are heroes, unsung and needed.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author comment