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Soul Seeker's Fate

Soul seeker's fate

A surreal trip through a hall of mirrors
Distorted irrevocably warped,
visions of the elephant  man.

Distended frame ,bowed and bent
Wizened creature life force spent
Vile technician of pain. 

Ripping hearts and souls usunder 
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.

Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

of minor tweaks. 6.1 has a space where there shouldn't be any. [usunder]
And denizen needs not be capitalised. Nicely done, but needs a little more suspense. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks ill look at it.

Which parts of the poem do not work in your opinion ?

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

thank you

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Good thought but i i prefer the title i'm using.

thank you for your help though

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

I really do like the premise for this piece. This is one bad-assed dude! But I agree with Sir Gee that more suspense would be nice. my favs:

Ripping hearts and souls usunder
Dancing on graves,
The Soul Seeker on the attack.

Bitter denizen of the shadows
Sucker of the vital vein.
Rejuvenation of the youth he lacks

Love ya,

Cat (and eddy!)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you, the soul seeker is a fallen angel, and the protagonist of my novel.

Much Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

I enjoyed this quite a bit and found it to be quite dark and surreal.Thanks for sharing it, its right up my ally;-)

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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"

Thanks

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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