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WHISTLE'S ECHO
Iron horses used to run through here
upon twin paths of polished steel
now all that runs past is deer
this land has a deserted feel
Perhaps because the rails are gone
as well as creosote oak ties
just stone rail bed to walk upon
while listening to coyote cries
This track that joined small rural towns
abandoned for no apparent reason
now dips in a new lake and drowns
mostly tread by hunters during season
I wonder do the hurtling ghosts
of old diesel engines still rush by
while carrying their spectral hosts
beneath a full moon midnight sky
Does it give the fish a fright
when it goes down below
casting eerie underwater light
with its headlight's glow?
Now as I leave this lonely place
of woods and briers and crimson thistle
a wan smile comes to my old face
did I just hear a distant railroad whistle?
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2011-02-17 16:57
hello Rosi
Good to see you and thanks for the catch, I'll correct it now...............stan
author commentmand
Thu, 2011-02-17 11:23
Hi Stan
I love the feel of this ( contemplative ).
I love those old trains and you have bought one to life on it's journey, even going underwater and frightening the fish, "casting eerie underwater light with its headlight's glow" - what a brilliant imagination!
They where wonderful those old steamtrains.
I enjoyed the journey of this ghostly locomotive.
Love Mand xxxx
scribbler
Thu, 2011-02-17 17:20
hey mand
There are quite a few abandoned lines around here, thus the muse. Glad you dropped by and enjoyed this..............stan
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2011-02-17 19:42
hey Shirl
We still have juke boxes here but now they play CDs instead of vinyl and cost much more than ten cents per tune............stan
author commentraj
Thu, 2011-02-17 13:29
Dear Stan...
you so easily take us on a journey through your writes like this one..which create the images..mood and even sounds...
i loved the closing lines too...
a wan smile comes to my old face
did I just hear a distant railroad whistle?
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Thu, 2011-02-17 19:43
greetings raj
always good to know my jaunts are shared by others..............stan
author commentvexations10
Sat, 2011-05-21 12:33
Interesting and
provocative title and poem. These abandoned beds dot the land especially across the mid-west. At times they might become bike trails or trails for snowmobiles and that must drive the ghostly trains mad. One little question. Why the question mark at the end and not in the previous verse?
vexations
scribbler
Sat, 2011-05-21 18:38
hello vex
The sad ones are the ones which are no longer used for anything. And question mark not used due to careless proofread.Will correct now and thanks...................scribbler
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-05-22 19:29
hi Lonnie
Praise indeed considering the source. Thanks for the visit................stan
author comment