Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Faith

Submitted by themoonman on Wed, 2011-02-16 15:40

Truth ... do we want it
why do we bridle magic
and ride with closed eyes.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 04:38

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

thanks, I like this short form, it's good practice.

author comment

Kailashana2

Wed, 2011-02-16 16:10

Geeze, it's catchy, Geezer... this haiku/senryu bug!

Well done moonman!

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 04:39

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

I've seen it spreading ... couldn't resist.

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2011-02-16 19:57

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Indeed, well done! This makes me think of all of us that ask for truth, then say the light of it is too bright!
I don't know if that was your intent, but oops, there it is! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 04:40

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

glad you liked it man.

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2011-02-16 22:18

Volunteer badge

All I want is the plain truth
unless of course it be uncouth
or reflects badly on my cause
forcing me to think or pause
and by the way it must agree
with how I want the world to be
so give it to me short and straight
why do you now hesitate ?

but you already said this with a lot fewer words lol..........................scribbler

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 04:41

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

I sure liked your little ditty there

thanks

author comment

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 04:47

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

I'm sorry, did you think this rude? or are you referring
to a more generalized truth, because sometimes truth
is very rude on an individual.

author comment

Kailashana2

Thu, 2011-02-17 10:12

There is no *only* way to show the truth, Amal.

~A

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 12:39

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

I'm afraid there's no one or easy answer to your question,
it would be a much easier road for all if there were. Often
the truth hides from us and doesn't come out until things
become ugly, and hard ... but most of the time it is already
there, hiding behind our own defenses. I don't think the truth
need be delivered offensively, but at the same time, the line
where each person is offended is different, not something
one can generalize ....

author comment

loved

Thu, 2011-02-17 11:22

loved's picture

five seven five only
then alone we all can make
a sweet haiku

is this true ????
just learning syllablising....

loved

themoonman

Thu, 2011-02-17 12:44

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

You can look up "haiku" on google and find that
there are many different interpretations, but I do
believe the 5/7/5 is the most widely accepted style,
at least in the Western sense of poetic styles.

Richard

author comment

Ayaz Warith

Wed, 2011-03-09 07:31

A nice start with this Haiku, Richard.
Thanks
Regards
Ayaz

themoonman

Mon, 2011-03-28 07:20

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

thanks for reading sir ... hope all is well on your side
of the world.

Richard

author comment

CCfire

Sun, 2011-03-27 23:21

CCfire's picture

Nice haiku here, I am fast becoming a fan of these, I have read Basho and enjoy the way he shaped them, the shape of the poem being more important to him than the strict syllable count that does not actually equate in english but this and some of mine that I consider my best seem to always come out 5,7,5 without counting.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

themoonman

Mon, 2011-03-28 07:23

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

Welcome to Neo ... I too like the Haiku but I'm not very
good at it, I do like to try though.

thanks for reading

Richard

author comment

CCfire

Mon, 2011-03-28 21:06

CCfire's picture

I am enjoying being here so thanks, there are some really good sites online regarding Basho who is the 'father' of the haiku and senryu so give it a look, his poems have a very eastern influence but they remain quite calming and serene in their words.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.