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Innocence
Puppy on the lead
I hold her so close to me,
never break our ties
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Wed, 2011-02-16 14:14
Hi Shirl
That's what I was thinking when I took her for a walk. It seems such a simple statement but the thought of letting her off the lead conjures up an accident - anywhere from a dead puppy to a serious accident killing people. It made me shiver thinking about it!
Thanks Shirl, nice of you to read and comment.
Love Mand xxxxx
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-02-16 16:44
No ,no Shirley
in CANADA THE DRIVER WILL KILL HIMSELF
to save the priceless dog
and save himself
of paying compensation
irrespective of the owners lead
loved
raj
Wed, 2011-02-16 14:28
Dearest Mand
A cute Haiku...
i tried my hand at it and posted a Haiku just now
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Wed, 2011-02-16 16:49
Hi Raj
Thanks for your comment, I'll look yours up now.
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-02-16 16:42
Haiku
5 77777.........................5555555555555
nice humourous
i see ladiesSSSSSSSSSSSSS
walking my road
haikuinggggggggggggggggggg
singingggggggggggggggg
loved
mand
Wed, 2011-02-16 16:47
hI loved
(((((hug))))) winging it's way to you.
Thanks my lovely. I walked our road, this morning, with our lovey puppy. Someone must have seen me - I didn't see them though.
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentloved
Wed, 2011-02-16 16:54
hello hugs again once more
in CANADA THE DRIVER WILL KILL HIMSELF
to save the priceless dog
and save himself
of paying compensation
irrespective of the owners lead
loved
mand
Wed, 2011-02-16 17:16
Hi Loved
In Wales the driver will run the dog over and claim compensation from the owner! Lol
Only joking - running a dog over has to be reported in England. I've heard a dog when it's run over - the scream is harrowing!
Dog's obviously feel pain.
Thanks Loved
Love Mand xxxxx
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2011-02-16 20:40
Simplistic...
Yet potent! There is much potential here. That is what Haiku is all about. Nice work! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mand
Thu, 2011-02-17 03:01
Hi Geezer
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'll be thinking about it today - see if I can make some improvements.
Thanks for the encouragement
Love Mand ccccc
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2011-02-16 22:09
hello
you know, there are actually people who think having a dog on a leash is cruel? some people are idjuts lol........stan
mand
Thu, 2011-02-17 03:19
Helloooo there
Sooo good to see you! I have a feeling you have meet some of these idjuts whilst out on your rambles. Lol
I think you've got the gist of this one Stan my man.
Thanks for coming by!
Love Mand xxxxxxx
author commentlou
Thu, 2011-02-17 03:20
Mand
I found this to be more of a statement , than a poem. Not sure why, may be it is the subject matter.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mand
Thu, 2011-02-17 03:24
Quite right Lou
It needs a serious amount of working on! ( did my usual thing and posted it to early ). The subject has potential so it's worth working on. Thanks for your honesty Lou.
And sooo good to see you!
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentmand
Thu, 2011-02-17 05:55
Hello Mr Bee
Made me laugh! Very clever. Lol There is more to you than meets the eye. Lol
Loads of hugs, kisses and love.
Mand xxxxx
author commentKailashana2
Thu, 2011-02-17 05:43
I like it, everyone can feel
I like it, everyone can feel what you are saying, but it doesn't have the full potential of a Haiku...
Puppy on the lead
I hold her so close to me,
never break our ties
~A
mand
Thu, 2011-02-17 06:00
Hi Anna
I've been trying to think how to improve it, you've come up with a good suggestion ( unlike Bee ). Lol Only joking Bee! love ya.
So I'm goin to go with it!
Thanks for reading, commenting and suggesting - your a dream
Love Mand xxxxxx
author commentmand
Thu, 2011-02-17 10:30
Hi Xena
Good to hear from you! I had a little help from my friend on this one!
Glad you and Zak liked it.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
author comment