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Drinking Partners

Submitted by Dennis Go on Sat, 2011-02-12 21:43

I am chafed by the cloudless
Sky, night playing hide and seek
With my feelings: anger, guilt,
Shame over the crown of my head.
True, this coldness shivers
As it coils beneath wounded pores
Visible with friends drinking
At four-cornered tables
Gambling 25 centavos on dusty seats.
I'd rather throw stones at passersby
And break their faces -
So shiny yet so grim with fiery
Smiles offensive and unruly
To a tired mind. Standing by
The side of the doorway, smoking
Low tar nicotine cigarettes,
Despair speaks a language
Not so much of words and expressions.
When will moonlight strike its
Agitation? When the road leaves
Visitors so cunning that cottages
Arrange themselves for a play?
Stunning, but midnight is alive.
Standing by the doorway, friends
Drinking at four-cornered tables
Gambling 25 centavos on dusty seats...
They could not see me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Dennis Go

Mon, 2011-02-14 09:59

Dennis Go's picture

Hmm that's another way to write it and I think is also fine with me. I'd give it a thought. To me the "stitched together form" seems to emphasize more of my negative feelings within this piece. Thanks again.

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

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