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Maiden Voyage

Like wind billowing the sails
your breath fills my lungs

sailing on passionate waves
we discover that virgin Island
where wild fruits
ripened in desire
wait to be plucked
by our hungry fingers
to stoke the fire in our loins
with their nectars
till the seeds are released
in wild abandon

we wake
with gentle waves lapping
at our moorings
ready to sail once again
to yet another sanctuary
inhaling lung fulls
of your seducing breath...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

thank you for your appreciative comment..feels good when the essence of a write is felt...

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Raj,

ok, I write an 'ok' poem about an island and a vessel...and then you write one that knocks my little boat clean out of the water!! Lol!

I have much to learn...you have created the stunning image and it stays in your mind long after reading the poem.

As you know I am beginning to appreciate this type of poetry...and this one sets the benchmark that I am trying to reach.

I liked every line which seemed to be carefully crafted and guiding us through your journey. I particularly liked the opening lines:

Like wind billowing the sails
your breath fills my lungs

that just set up the feeling of the poem for me.

Should 'lungfulls' be two words?

Thanks for sharing this poem.

Kind regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

many thanks for your kind words of appreciation...this one just poured out quite smoothly ...i did very little edit...i guess the stimulus for this one was provided by the lovely images created by you in the "Moment"....whatever ..its nice to know that you enjoyed this one...

warm regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Such excellent writing. Delicately erotic and sublimely crafted, it takes my breath away. I had to read it twice to get the full effect! I hope and strive to reach the heights that you have ascended to with my own writing. And so effortlessly crafted!

we wake
with gentle waves lapping
at our moorings
ready to sail once again
to yet another sanctuary
inhaling lung fulls
of your seducing breath...

wonderfully done!

love, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

it means a lot when seasoned and accomplished poets like you take time to read my posts and even more when they are generous in their comment after reading it...which is very inspiring...upir comment describes the essence of this write so perfectly....

love and regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I like this poem very much, but feel the end is needing some more work. I feel, inhaling lungfulls, is to strained. Filling my lungs, with you're seducing or seducers breath. It is still a very sesual sail through poetic verse. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

thank you for your comment and also suggestion...i will give it a serious consideration...

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

by our hungry fingers
to stoke the fire in our loins
with nectars
till the seeds are released
in wild abandon

loved

Thank you Loved for your kind comment of appreciation...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

A real good poem, I love the metaphor.
Since you already establish the image of her breath filling your lungs, (very vivid imagery) do you need to repeat it at the end?

Perhaps something like

Breathing deep
of your seducing breath...

instead?

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

thank you for stopping by and for your appreciative comments...suggestions and critiques are always welcome ..i appreciate what you mean and will work on that...

warmly.

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

appreciate your encouraging comments...wishing you Happy Valentines Day coming up...

much love ..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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