nice poem. Are you really not taking suggestions?....................scribbler

this is a beautifull heartsong to gift your Valentine to celebrate Love in its sublime form...

warmly..

Oh this is good Tam o' Shanter,
tilted sideways happily
on your jaunt of a poem full of happy thoughts.

I wouldn't mind being told something like this,
no one writes poetry for me, who loves me
like that, you and she are lucky. :)

Very nice, just one place :-

"Her Love is quiet and sincere,"...her love is quiet and so sincere..there's just something about that lone rhythm-wise that troubles me Ian.

Happy thank you for posting this one, and my love too,
Ann

Of course I have some suggestions, but these are all more stylistic preferences than anything else.

That said, here's my take, with modified lines preceded by an asterisk, "*."

---------------------------------------------
*My Love imbues her with a cloak
That, round her shoulders, keeps her warm.
*My Love is like a Persian rug,
Beneath her feet, she's safe from harm.

My Love could be a Summer Isle.
So blue skies every day she'd see.
My Love is hers', at her command,
For loving her is all to me.

Her Love is quiet and sincere,
*I need no garish fireworks show.
For where she is - that's where I'll be
There is no other place I'd go

My Love means everything to me;
She is the gift, that set me free
---------------------------------------------

Line 1 and 3 are linked. I felt line 3 was a minor stumble so I looked for a modification of line 1 to allow "like a" to be use in place of "could be." With this, I wanted to give a bit more power to your initial statement, adding to the feel you create in the piece.

For line 10, I like the sentiment but "flashy" seemed to compete for notice with the image and I feel "garish" set a better tone.

So, those are the stylistic suggestions. Let me take a moment to compliment you on several excellent lines. Don't get me wrong, the poem is both warm and comforting and any woman should flush when she reads it, but there are lines that stand out for me.

The combination of lines 2 and 4 are great. They set the tone and feel of this poem and set it apart from the standard love poetry that is impossible to read without cringing.

Line 8 is poignant and soothing and subtly switches the focus of the poem from your feelings and how they affect her to how loving her affects you. Artfully done.

The last couplet is an excellent ending. It's reassuring and affectionate and completes the cycle started in the first lines where your love was what kept her warm and safe and her love is what allows you to be free to love her.

Now, this is the feel and meaning I got from the poem. I could be over-reaching and assigning meaning you did not intend. If so, take my comments as the effect your poem had on my interpretation.

And as far as my stylistic preferences, take any, all, or none, at your discretion.

What kind of sonnet is this supposed to be? Is it just something you used in the title or an actual sonnet - the rhyming scheme is throwing me off and I'm a bit confused. If I had that little bit of clarification I'd be able to help out more with some possible suggestions.

The poem itself is very sweet - I'd be happy to receive such a poem from my husband. (But that would surely never happen - HA!)

I've thought about the first line for a couple of days now, including during an hour+ drive last night, and I am having a minor stumble on it and I believe because it is a syllable long.

I like the line and the feeling it creates and would suggest:

"My love is like a winter cloak,"

To smooth it out.

But again, I really like this poem for all the reason I had previously stated.

Love the sentiment, though I think some minor changes would work for me (I'll never get a sonnet from Barry so just let me pretend it's mine and since it is, it is mine to revise.)

N

My love for her is like a cloak
upon her shoulders I keep her warm
And like a priceless Persian rug
I lay beneath her feet, save her from harm.

Maybe this isn't what you had in mind, but what can I say, just think of your intended and you'll alter anything if need be.

Love ya,
Anna

p.s. There are quite a few knights in shining armor here. I like that on a poetry site.

I've given critique previously and my reasons for suggestions and I just have to say I am a fan of this piece.

For those wondering if I am commenting just to comment, no. Ian edited, I revisited, and this is my assessment of his reworking of the piece based on the suggestions that have been offered by any and all.

And I find this piece easy to read and to follow and it made me smile in a wistful way.

I just like it.