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Seven Moons of Shaldimoor
Seven Moons of Shaldimoor
She stands overlooking the valley
Where the river winds along the floor
Below the great Fountain of Rainbows
That have been the pride of Shaldimoor
Far up the Pinnacle of Heaven
Rise the high Towers of Tomorrow
Looking down upon the lush valley
At the great river known as Sorrow
A breeze is blowing lightly southward
As the fountain flows toward the valley floor
She stands there, her eyes filled with wonder
Beneath the seven moons of Shaldimoor
The day will bring many changes
As she enters the crystal door
Atop the Towers of Tomorrow
Beneath the seven moons of Shaldimoor
Gone forever the innocence of youth
Flitting about on butterfly wings
Now begins the time of change
Inside her, the lifeblood sings
Within the Towers of Tomorrow
By the next conjunction she will soar
Shedding butterfly wings for gossamer
To soar 'neath the seven moons of Shaldimoor
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
smilecatcher
Wed, 2011-02-02 16:06
seven moons of Shaldimoor
I absolutely loved your poem. It is a joyful read, which I love in a poem.
smilecatcher
Rett
Thu, 2011-02-03 10:46
Thank you
A little whimsy of mine.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
author commentPsyve
Wed, 2011-02-02 16:15
Rett
This had a truly Classic feel to it, particularly from a meter point of view... very cleanly rhythmic, ala "The Highwayman".
Also a science fiction touch ... I visualise the seven moons of Shaldimoor hanging in an orange sky, like a landscape from some sci-fi fantasy.
Good work.
Psyve
Rett
Thu, 2011-02-03 10:47
I can't remember
exactly where I ran across it, but it was inspired by an alienscape I saw on the web.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
author commentRett
Thu, 2011-02-03 10:48
Many thanks Shirl
Glad you enjoyed it.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
author commentKailashana2
Wed, 2011-02-02 16:43
However, you need to spell
However, you need to spell the title correctly. ;-)
Perhaps a few minor changes to improve the poetic quality?
Signed, one of the 7 moons.
~A
Rett
Thu, 2011-02-03 10:48
LOL Anna
Will try to make the correction.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
author commentRett
Thu, 2011-02-03 10:45
Thanks so much
Great suggestions! I appreciate it! Will be working on it!
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-02-28 11:08
Dear Rett,
My favorite lines (which were hard to choose becase there were so many of them)
Gone forever the innocence of youth
Flitting about on butterfly wings
Now begins the time of change
Inside her, the lifeblood sings
The whole poem reads beautifully and effortlessly. I think this would be a fantastic introduction to a short story or even a novel. I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work done.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rett
Fri, 2011-03-04 21:46
Thanks Cat
Believe it or not, this is on my agenda for a short story or novel. I haven't found an agent for my "Man Who Cheated Death" yet, but am still trying. I am working on a sequel to that one called "Escape From Tyranny", also working on one called "Shra-Ka-Reen" from an epic poem I wrote, been mapping out a story from my "Shattered Crystal" series of poems and have this one on my agenda also. LOL Damn, but retirement is hell!
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
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