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Who Can You Trust.

Submitted by Timbo on Wed, 2011-02-02 10:06

As I begin my usual walk, a teenage boy is standing there
I try not to catch his glance and I know I must not stare.
He has an evil look in his eyes, or maybe it’s just fear
or is his young head the victim of, too much under age beer.
I quickly walk past him, feeling too old to risk a fight
I don’t suppose he will bother me, but maybe he just might.

Now I’m further into my walk and a little out of breath
as two hooded boys, come towards me on my left.
“Did you know you’ve dropped something,” I hear them shout
and I nervously check my pocket, finding my wallet has fallen out.
One of them quickly grabs my wallet and hands it back to me
and I feel a little ashamed, to have doubted their honesty.

Now as I walk across the park, an old lady is ahead of me
a refined looking couple are talking to her, under the old oak tree.
Suddenly the couple are running away, the old lady is on the floor
her face is cut and her bag has gone, she says it has happened before.
I can’t believe what I have seen and I take care of her like I must,
as I think to myself how hard it can be, to know who you can trust.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 04:21

Timbo's picture

Thanks Shirley, Florence, sounds a wonderful place to live.
take care,
Tim

author comment

loved

Wed, 2011-02-02 14:52

loved's picture

Each Coin Has But Two Faces

Each coin has but two faces
So do we have in human beings?
Times changes scores off
Many a human beings
Look into their eyes
And
Find desire of being wanted
And loved,
Some love your hands
To palm their cheek,
Only if by accident it may be,
Yet some say look
What you have lost
Then push you
To them get lost,
Beware the world is changing,
Population of 7 billions
No one can trust
Can ye?

loved

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 04:24

Timbo's picture

thanks for your amazing poetic comment
take care,
Tim

author comment

Psyve

Wed, 2011-02-02 15:07

Psyve's picture

An interesting tale that teaches us not to judge people by their appearance.... the hooded boys turn out to be helpful honest souls... the well dressed couple turn out to be cowardly thieves.

I thought this was welll conceived: if i had a nit it would have to be with the meter: as I read this out aloud to myself, the rhythm felt a tad uneven... you may want to reconsider your syllable count and accent points in each half line.

Other than that small concern, this read nicely.

Psyve

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 04:29

Timbo's picture

Thank you Psyve, for your helpful comments.
I hear what you say and to be honest I think I may have a number of poems that would be a bit better if the things you mentioned were looked at more. I'm starting to notice more myself now good people like you have commented.
So something to look into on a rainy day!
Take care,
Tim

author comment

crypticbard

Wed, 2011-02-02 22:40

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we can't be taken by outward appearance alone. And yes it is so difficult these days.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 04:31

Timbo's picture

thanks for the comment,
Tim

author comment

mand

Thu, 2011-02-03 05:06

mand's picture
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Isn't it unsettling going for a walk and feeling intimidated! I love the human nature of your poems, how you connect with other people. ( I'd say you are a people person ). I really enjoyed the twist at the end. Your poem has a two fold message, Who can we trust and you can't judge a book by its cover.

I really enjoyed the read, Thank you for sharing.

From one Grandparent to another.

Love Mand xxxxx

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 07:09

Timbo's picture

Thanks for your thoughtful comments Mand. It's very rewarding to get feedback from people like yourself.
take care,
Tim

author comment

Kailashana2

Thu, 2011-02-03 06:22

As a former Realtor, I came across many many people, and thankfully my intuitive sense kicked in, saving me from harm many times. I've never been prejudiced to someone's outward appearance, but have felt their intent.

It's good to have in this crazy world. I think the more we let go of our outward prejudices the more our intuition is evident.

Thanks for your poem, and Psyve's suggestions to solidify it.

~A

Timbo

Thu, 2011-02-03 07:06

Timbo's picture

many thanks-Tim

author comment
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