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Celestial Jest
`
Feathered flight lifts my gaze
and dreams aloft once more
Petals caress time-worn cheeks
reminder of benign carousal
My chest thumps and pounds
this ardent inmost wish abounds
While on a lily pond a drop
of heaven queries my heart
It offers a choice of toads
will one be picked over the other
shall my mouth be pressed
to amphibian lips, I wonder -
a celestial jest beyond compare.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
By no means an earth-moving poem. But one that should elicit a smile from disposed readers. A fairy tale scenario subjected to quite random treatment. Put a smile on that dial!
Editing stage:
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Comments
crypticbard
Mon, 2011-01-31 04:31
I know Ian!
I thought that once it was finished and gone through several readings. For now I will leave it as is and then work my way back to its ground zero at an opportune time. It does have a premature feel about it... or something just dawning. It could be the beginning of a poetic tale complete with coloured pictures.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2011-01-31 08:12
it elicited a smile
from this disposed reader,
love the line-
this ardent inmost wish abounds
cheers,
Jess
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