Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
“My Nightmare Come True”
One day in my life that never should have happened.
The pain and sadness that rushed through my body when I heard the first tear drop.
Seeing my Mother cry, seeing the tears fall, and hearing the silence that follows it all.
Remembering the good times, remembering the fight and losing the war.
I know that you will always be with me in everything I do, but I still wish you were here with me to.
Looking into your bed and seeing you made me drop down and cry, seeing you still in my mind.
The weight you lost was too much.
It was like you slowly disappearing in front of me.
Watching you die now feeling apart of me is missing.
Knowing you will never come home and sometimes feeling alone.
Now that you’re gone I know your watching over the family and guiding us to.
But there’s just one thing I want you to know I love you.
But my nightmare come true was losing you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This was about My father and his battle with cancer RIP J.T.R
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Indiana
Favorite Poets
Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson and Shakespeare
Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-08-11 12:24
Hello,
I'm so sorry that your Father lost his battle with Cancer. You have written well about the experience.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-08-11 12:37
this is prose, not poetry.
I feel for the emotions expressed but the line are too long,
try to reakiy it into vberse. Tthe effect will be far more powerful
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry