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its an open secret now read ..saliva please...
saliva
in the youth of flame
mouths water like dogs
panting in the open
to satiate ones wants
pangs of hunger
pants the human tiger
then as age moves on
the hard core goes strong
till it suddenly wanes
and
then you feel the age catches,
the other night I was so warm
now why within one
there’s such a terrible storm
a commotion and a surprise
in the morning hours
ones does not now rise
tears flow passed
the most once aggressive,
joys are bundled in far lost memories
when in the Garden of Eden
I alone was Adam
now there is no one to see me
not even an old crutch' madam,
we linger now at the thunder box
read all small insignificant writes
the newspapers slights
slyly watch for our names
when we were they now say
gone with those summer’s eve
since forgotten none now to grieve
the end is ere! ...(confusion perhaps...)
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-09-22 17:09
Esker.
High bar.
when in the Garden of Eden
I alone was Adam
Maybe.
Separate some of the lines. He doesn't use it much, but a little punctuation is a good thing.
Please explain the last line. I don't think it's a typo, but I don't get it and want to.
And... thank you for not using too many "and's".
All together a good piece.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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loved
Sat, 2012-09-22 23:42
thanks
shall in the meantime howz this one...
"if there is a God
of which i have reservations....
I’m quite sure he has 7.5 billion
in the ICU
we call the world"
even now I realise these words are touching,
more to the credit of an
UNKNOWN DEITY,if any.
loved
author commentloved
Sat, 2012-09-22 23:47
ere
in poetic parlance means... implies ......'''before,
in my case
i wanted to use it in the context
as its here ,as before.....
the end
any moment
could you help improve it?
thanks
loved
author commentwesley snow
Sun, 2012-09-23 16:16
I think you know...
... I've been accused of writing from another century. I use the term often. It doesn't seem to land correctly in the last line. For one thing, you've essentially said the end has already occurred (which I don't think you mean). I would probably save it for another place where it works better and say more simply exactly what you intend here. The poem is too sharp to end it with confusion.
Istan
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Esker
Sat, 2012-09-29 11:51
ere I so wrotten
I wrote
I write
I am wraught
thank You for poetic writteness here
I like the Thunder Box
the end.. confusion perhaps
a great Poem something more subtle
Thank You
loved
Sat, 2012-09-29 12:33
u do
end the horse
rather
endhorse
maybe
endorse
a great Poem something more subtle!!!!!
loved
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