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Silence

Submitted by Poem on Wed, 2014-02-05 05:58

Sometimes it makes a relationship,
sometimes it breaks a relationship,
sometimes leads to confusion,
sometimes leads to self realization,
acts as answer for few questions,
signifies danger sometimes,
silence the most powerful weapon of all times.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Wed, 2014-02-05 10:49

Being a rough draft, I am sure you would be looking at options to tweak this up. Try and limit use "sometimes" and I think it will then read better. I will come back and see if I an give some tips on going about it.

Try to build in real time examples into it, e.g. how a spider works silently and something similar to stress the importance of silence,

You have posted this one at a time when I am working on "Open Up" which is quite the opposite ...lol..

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

William Saint George

Wed, 2014-02-05 16:06

William Saint George's picture

I agree with you Raj,

I'm not sure if the repetition was deliberate, but I feel the poem could do without it.

Also, in some way, I feel the poem states too plainly what it is about. This definitely is not wrong, but I often struggle with how much you should tell plainly, and how much should be said in a more "poetic" voice.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

raj

Wed, 2014-02-05 22:23

Yes, you are right Williams about keeping some of it in a poetic voice. I am sure Kavita will attempt to do that and lend it that voice too...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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