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The Key

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2014-01-28 18:02

Patience is the Key for seekers of knowledge
without it, nothing can be learnt
As it measures one's commitment...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

mand

Wed, 2014-01-29 02:10

mand's picture
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This poem hits the spot for any one taking on a project - such as poetry or learning a language etc. I think your title is just right! and your language use is clear and understandable. I don't think there is much to improve - possibly dropping the second "the" in the first line.

"As it measures one's commitment" could be an alternative - but it's up to you - !.

An alternative to patience could be:

Patience: Meaning = Forbearance / good natured
Endurance: = Strength / survival / life
Forbearance = Patience
Perseverance = Tenacity, persistence, determination, pertinacity

I'm not suggesting you use them, they are just alternatives that could broaden your horizons.

Nice poem - one I hope to take on board. Keep it up

Love Mand xxxxx

alidzain

Wed, 2014-01-29 11:21

alidzain's picture

I have learnt some new words today.perseverance! that's the word that have slipped my mind.actually i want that to be the title but looking at it now, i think i need to redo the whole poem if i did

Alid

author comment

mand

Wed, 2014-01-29 11:20

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It's up to you, but personally I like "Key" I think it's more likely to attract the reader - but that's only my opinion. :)

Another option might be "The Key To Success" But it's your call - it would be interesting to see what others think.

Love Mand xxx

alidzain

Wed, 2014-01-29 11:23

alidzain's picture

will wait for other's view.

Alid

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