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In a Field, One Lost Day, With Birds

Submitted by Pugilist on Mon, 2014-01-27 10:22

I find few things more annoying
than the overblown tendency
of poets who believe they are
dispensing great, subtle, wisdom
when they are simply muttering
sad words they feel are important
while the rest of us recognise
these are just inconsequential
half formed thoughts completely without
merit or radiant ideas.
It is like a gathering of
crows, each one shouting at the top
of their lungs that they are pretty.
Not me, of course, I am special.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is Blank Verse with little thought to Iambic but a nod to tetrameter.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

raj

Mon, 2014-01-27 14:25

You have drawn attention to a valid point or a statement. But don't you think that's the way human nature generally is "to get noticed". If so, what is the cause of your annoyance? If you could throw more light, would be nice...It is possible that I may have missed it or it may be an abstract I could not perceive..

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Pugilist

Mon, 2014-01-27 16:26

Pugilist's picture
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It is simply this:

We don't get to decide if our work is important or grand or classic. But, still, folks approach writing, and poetry especially, as if they are dispensing some great wisdom that the recipients are too uncouth to discover themselves.

And I find that attitude idiotic.

I would prefer folks stop trying to write great works and just write well and let time decide because time will decide regardless and I might not have to suffer through self-congratulatory pap quite so often.

I used to try to write important things. And then I happened to go back and read them some years later and, damn, they sucked. Then I started writing decent stories, thoughts that I found amusing or uplifting or things that frightened my soul and I discovered that these works I did not mind reading years later.

So this piece is nothing more than what it seems, a lament that poets write a great deal of crap and inflict it on their friends. The last line is merely an admission that I include myself in the lot.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

author comment

raj

Mon, 2014-01-27 23:38

Thank you Jonathan for providing the insights.

Regards

raj (sublime_ocean)

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-01-27 19:13

Ian.T's picture
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A murder of crows has charmed my poetry
I write for little ole me , so I shall not lament
Lament at the percentages of rubbish that is here
As you say time and others will dictate whether we are good
The conflict of writers and know alls is always there
Yet the know all's may in their stupidity suppress a new Bard.
I have turned out miles of writing and been chastised by others.
I wonder if later they will be able to say we lost one poem that was epic
One piece that is of a beauty that would have lasted for ever.
Not that I will write it but there is hope lol
There are many poets here if only we helped them.
Jonathan, we need a teacher such as you, to be here.
To nurture the poets that pass through with your knowledge of poetry.
But at the same time we need you to be able to see beyond.
Yes beyond the odd verse to that place where perfection is written.
Not true to form, you can teach that anyway, but a perfection in words.
Something that we need to keep for all our futures.
Take care out there life is a struggle sometimes, but I walk free.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Pugilist

Tue, 2014-01-28 10:09

Pugilist's picture
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Ian,

I understand your point and I agree. Boundless and thoughtless criticism is nearly as bad as boundless and thoughtless praise. I, too, have seen folks chastise others merely because the person writing is not writing as the critic would and the critic, in their moronic focus on how good they are, at times with the encouragement of those around them, has decreed that the only good way to do things is their way.

But I have also witnessed folks who can accept no criticism at all, who defend every glaring error of structure, of thought, of composition as if it were integral to their effort and retreat to the stupendously idiotic statement "poetry is from the heart" rather than give any explanation or focus.

I have met folks here and elsewhere who have a knack to cast their speech in poetical constructs and choose thoughts and images and emotions and share them with us in a nearly complete form. And these folks, these natural poets, they are open to suggestion and input and growth and from these folks I can learn and, perhaps, to them teach a bit.

My issue will always remain those who both ignore and attack any criticism, who seek to establish themselves as better or more inspired than us poor sots who just don't understand their greatness. I've not seen a single one of these folks whose work was consistently or predominately worthwhile yet they splatter out faux verse and claim some special privilege that, if only we were smarter, we would support.

It's tiresome.

I have neither the time nor inclination to interact with these vainglorious twits. I have a very massive amount to learn, I have some small amount to teach and none of it will be wasted on those who only write to be told they are pretty.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2014-01-28 18:19

Ian.T's picture
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OK, I see your point about the time split twix teaching and learning.
I would love to know what this site can teach you, other than humility from a few, and battles from others, then the main stream where some wish to learn.
I give way to your superiority with the poetic forms, yet I will always give you a good run on the Spiritual side.
No site is perfect but can you just help the odd few that you consider would benefit from your help.
A while back it was a continuous battle with one and another here, but you survived intact, and I guess at the same time learned a great deal.
Will there ever be a site that is pure in its teachings and without friction.
I wish you well and look forward to anything you interact with.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Thu, 2014-01-30 09:44

Seren's picture

I have in the last couple of years, when time permitted, tried to expand my learning of poetry the more I learn the less I feel I know, Its not about popularity and being the prettiest face in the crowd its about writing and getting feedback that's invaluable, in my opinion we have so many learned people here, you included, that to not read and listen and take it in would be bloody stupid and its given freely, what I know would probably fill a thimble

I guess I am not the person that started out here anymore my whole view has changed

Its good to see you back

Regards JC

Btw the poem is tight I can find nothing to suggest its message is loud and clear !

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

scribbler

Thu, 2014-01-30 10:24

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Show how little I know. I though blank verse still had to be in stanzas and maintain rhythm. I also often find myself reading somebody's poem and coming up on a word or phrase which I think could be improved upon. But who is the judge of whether the change is really for the better? We are All influence by our own ideas of poetry. That's a given. So when should we give or withhold specific suggestions? And is it right to suggest a change without giving an example of what such change could look like? And am I asking enough questions? lmao.

I agree with you about those who become angry with well intentioned suggestions. Fortunately I've run across few of that sort. I Do recall one on another site. I gave him some ideas on a poem and you'd think I'd told him his wife was ugly lol.

Hmm..... I still think your poem is closer to prose than poetry though..........stan

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