Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

REFUGE

MY WORLD
SO MUCH TURMOIL.
COME HEAR ME .
FOR YOUR EYES PUT ME AT PEACE.
YOU TOUCH ME WITH SOFT WINDS
AND ENTER MY HEART WITH LOVE .
COME LET ME HOLD YOU.
PROTECT YOU.
WHILE IM AT EASE.
BE MNE FOR ETERNITY.
IN MY WORLD THERE IS NOTHING WITH OUT YOU.
LET ME BE YOUR OMEGA.
THE ONE YOU REST YOUR HEAD ON.
FOR I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU WEARY OR BROKEN.
MY FIRE FEEDS OFF YOUR AIR.
LEAVE ME WITH YOUR HANDS.
I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU MY HEART.
BUILD AN EMPIRE FOR MY QUEEN, MY LOVE.
I FADE AT NIGHT IN THE EYES, BUT NEVER LAY DOWN IN DEFEAT.
I WONT REST UNTIL YOU’RE IN MY ARMS.
UNTIL IM HOME
UNTIL I PLACE MY LIPS ON THE ONE I LOVE.

(I WROTE THIS FOR MY WIFE JENNIFER WHILE SERVING IN OIF)

BY

VINCENT MUSCATO

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
(I WROTE THIS FOR MY WIFE JENNIFER WHILE SERVING IN OIF)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Straight in no complete capitalisation of your work, this made it shout, so if it is for the lady there then she will need ear protectors..
I have written it in the way others would put it in lower case with a few changes but that is just a little change from the main work.
Now you should be able to see the difference in the way it sounds.
The theme is good, reminds me of the soldiers wives that made a song from the letters they received from their loved ones, they formed a choir and made it a top song last year.
Keep writing but just let the poetry dictate the size of the letters,
Yours Ian.T

My world, falls into turmoil
Come talk to me
your eyes put me at peace
You touch me with soft winds,
entering my heart with love.

Come let me hold you, protect you
While I’m at ease be mine for eternity
In my world there is nothing without you
Let me be your Alpha and Omega
The one you rest your head on.

I will never leave you weary or broken
My fire feeds off of your air
Leave me to dwell within your hands
I can only give you my heart
Or build an empire for my Queen, my Love

I fade at night into your eyes.
I will never lay down in defeat
I won’t rest until you’re in my arms
Until I’m home
I place my lips on the one I love

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

it sounds really good thasnk you

author comment

thank*

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.