Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Verses

Submitted by lonlyhrtsclub13 on Sat, 2014-01-18 12:09

Velvet touch skimming razor' s edge
Standing lost, acrid on concrete ledge
Twisted games jaded sad lovers play
Pushing limits, barriers split away

Scandalous eyes that tantalize
Storyteller, you mean more than you realize
Make me your queen, conquest of love
Dreamer of fairytales, sent from above

Blade to my chest, metal breath on skin
Longing for passion, wrapped in sin
Awakened my senses, freed my broken soul
Unlocked the box, wasn't that the goal?

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-01-19 19:20

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

A terrifying reality that some have, even with your disguise of velvet touches.
It chills the heart as each day, I hear the crying out there that I cannot stem the hurts that cause them.
Yet this touch of velvet metal can be replaced by a watching mind that sees that deep inside there is a light that no silver edged metal can touch or change.
A lovely write but as I said it was cruel to hold the key yet locking the door from the inside.
There I have written in riddles, to show you how to each shadow there must be a light.
Know that you have so much to give and more work like this will make you shine,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lonlyhrtsclub13

Wed, 2014-01-22 01:04

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Thanks for the read...you are one of the few that understands my writing, no matter how jumbled it may be. This was written about forbidden attraction, sometimes vocabulary can be so powerful if I could just remember to use it that way....Thanks again, and sorry for the late response...tapping with my unbridled fingers

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.