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Sensuous Fever

At Dawn

Droplets of dew
upon velvety petals
evoke intimate memories
of your lingering touch

At Dusk

My parched lips quake
like sun baked soil
come quench my thirst
with your nectars

Come Night

A shooting star
doesn't quicken my desire
it needs the flash
of your lightning touch

The Call

Come drench me
in your showers and hail
let's drowse the embers
in our loins

Editing stage: 

Comments

thank you for the read and your juicy comment...lol...glad to know you liked it and it called for a shower...

i made a subtle change just now in the final verse .. changing "let's douse the fire" to "let's drowse the fire"....because i thought putting the fire on the "drowse" would be more appropriate than "dousing" it completely...

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

What a lucky woman that hears your "Call"! What wonderful sensual imagery Raj.

Feeling warm in the cold north.....hehe

Lori

thank you for your encouraging comment...

Happy New Year to You and Your Beloveds..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

good to know you liked the edit too...i may not be done with it though..hehehe..

Happy New Year to You and Your Beloveds..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

i feel happy to know it is like an antidote for cold nights and insomnia ..lol...

A Happy New Year to You Too Xena...i am sure you would be stepping into it soon on a positive footing...New Year arrived here just moments ago...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thanks for the read and appreciation...

the use of the word "drowse" here is deliberate ..because although "dousing" the fire is a common usage..it would have meant putting off / cooling off the embers completely ...i used "drowse" in the context of cooling the embers temporarily...

Happy New Year to You and Your Beloveds..

with much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

awwwwwwwwww really?...coming from you this is a great compliment...and your needing a shower sort of confirms that this is very effective too..hahahaha...i am going to give it a wee more tweak though ...let's see how it works out..

i had a nice relaxed New Year Eve and hope you have a great year ahead with good health...happiness..peace and smiles..

with much love....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I like all of these, especially the last.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

your comment is much appreciated...the last one ofcourse is supposed to be climactic ..perhaps thats the reason you liked it even more...thanks agai for your visit..

warmly..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Hi Raj....Yum!

A few suggestions:

instead of tingling, *lingering*... ?

omit *thy* as you didn't use that form in the other stanzas

"come drench me
with your dewdrops
let's drowse the embers
in our loins."

~A

p.s. I love *ecstatic* poetry.

It is always a privilege to have comments from seasoned poets like you...

thanks for your suggestions about changes from "tingling" to "lingering" and "thy" to "your" ...i will swap them for sure...

i do agree that "dew drops" would lend an ecstatic touch to the final verse...however...my attempt in using "showers & hail" was to create climactic effect/build up...so i will think about chaging from climactic to ecstatic...besides i am not sure if dew drops would be able to drowse the embers...would love to know your thoughts on this..

ofcourse i too do love ecstatic poetry....

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Raj,

really enjoyed the poem, but for me it was the structure i enjoyed most. I do enjoy alternative structures and the simple almost titles of each stanza made it a little more striking.

I tend to fall in the trap of lyric structure and struggle to break away from 4 lines per verse, an 8 lined chorus etc...so I found this refreshing...I must try to break my own up in future.

Favourite stanza:

The Call

Come drench me
in your showers and hail
let's drowse the embers
in our loins

I have no suggestions to improve this poem - I like it how you've got it.

So, in summary, great poem with a marvellous alternative structure.

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

This is what I profess as Foreplay
Start at the break of dawn and let the sun rise upto its zenith, then as it commences to lapse , in the distant horizon, in my laps hope you commence to collapse and as the night beckons, as it should, come lets get wet as the morning dew, and quench the sun burnt thirst, that alone would do .

loved

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