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It's Like I Never Happened

I dreamed of being a good wife
wanted no more than four kids
two girls, two boys in my teenage years.

My life began just as planned
I had two girls, two boys
and a husband by age 30.

After 20 years of sacrificing self
I feel alone and useless
they don't appreciate the sacrifices I've made
or remember them
it's like it never happened.

It's time to say goodbye
it's time to reinvent myself
my life here is done.

Love and respect is lost to me
I must reinvent
where love is real.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 

Comments

I note that this is your rough draft. I'm sure you will be working on it. I know the subject is sensitive and would just like to share that in its present form the first two verses read more like prose. I know you are quite adept at improvisation and will therefore look forward to read the revisions.

It's not a time to say goodbye but as you have expressed it would always help to re-invent your self and move on...life is beautiful..make most of it...

Cheers...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Your suggestions are well taken and I've made some tweaks to the first two stanzas.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Your poem reminded me of the film "Shirley Valentine". How the wife is unappreciated and what she decides to do. I guess a lot of women are in these difficult and sad circumstances. I love the clarity and honesty of this poem!

Just a small typo - I think; Stanza 3 line 3 did you mean "or "remember" them?

If this is true to your life - I hope things work out!

LOve Mand xxxxx

I struggled with that typo. I wasn't sure if the s was needed. I've made the change. Its does sound better without it. I'm glad you like it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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To feel this way after so long is quite common, there has to be a change or the burden will become too great.
If fact, then you will have to look out for the things that happen when loosing someone, it is the same as the things you go through in Grief.
An initial emptiness, then searching for a reason why, this is where anger and blame comes in, not necessarily from your own thoughts, as the family you love usually fail to see the real reasons for your decision and sometimes vent that anger in the wrong place.
Just keep strong and let things settle down for a while taking in all those feelings and then rebuild on the knowledge you have gained.
Walk to the other side the grass maybe the same colour when you get there but the journey will be good for you, Take care young Lady and know we walk with you always,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Some people refuse to see what's right in there face no matter how long it's been staring at them. Some times a change or reinventing of self can open the eyes of the blind and mislead. If it don't, then their anger and blame is just that, theirs. Life must push pass the burden on sometime..and live

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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This speaks volumes to me. Even though I.haven't been in it for twenty years, alot has happened and I feel.the same. Unappreciated, unwanted, unloved, taken for granted, invisible, disregarded and degraded. I, too, have begun taking step to.reinventing or.I.should say getting.reacquainted with myself. Thank you for.this.write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

now raj
counsels well
a great poetic gift
to Neopoet

loved

Great counsel when needed does the heart good

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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or to put it another way, growing and learning with great courage and perseverance ever since I met you. It as been a great privilege and inspiration to me.

You have my love and respect, and after all, children must leave the nest.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Glad to know you feel that way. Then I've always known that about you. Google Drive archives very well too. I've use Soundcloud and have an account.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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