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Come let’s scream..edit

So many times I have seen you,
in my dreams
without out wearing anything
as many times
you must have seen me too,
in my pure nudity

yet you love me.
that’s what a wonder I see
will you like to be
as in my dreams really,
or would you love to daily scream,
along with me

Oh tell me,
Oh tell me,
do say so please
why do you come so often
only in my dreams

Come during daylight hours.
make me your real dream...
come now,
let's both together
yell and scream!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Like a playtex Bra I have lifted and separated:-
Come let’s scream

So many times i have seen you,
In my dreams.
Without out nothing. (Double negative plus typo)
So many times you must have seen me too,
With nothing. (Not sure if with nothing makes sense)
Yet you love me.
That’s what wonders me.
Will you like me as in my dreams?
Or would you love to daily scream,
With me?
Without nothing . (Double negative)
Oh tell me, oh tell me,
Tell me please
Why do you come more often?
Only in my dreams?
Come during day hours
When I to love scream, (Needs Edit sounds wrong)
Make it your lovely dream .
Come now let's both together scream.
You will have to do your own edit but the layout you have is very unreadable, just be careful of the double negatives as your without nothing means you have something, Take care young Bard the theme is fine,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I have a problem calling this poem because it isn't broken up into verses and stanzas. It's a like a paragraph of prose, very poetic writing, but prose still, with very many ellipses. But I like the content, I just don't know if it makes a poem...not that I want you to change it or anything.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Woow! This poem is packed with passion! And what an invitation! I agree with above comments - but I really love the idea of screaming together!

I know I'm being cheeky! but here's my take on it. - This is only my interpretation! ignore if so desired.

So many times I have seen you in my dreams..
So many times you must have seen me too.
I have nothing and yet I know you love me!
So I wonder..Do you want me, just in my dreams?
Or would you love to daily scream..with me? Oh tell me!
Tell me, tell me please.
Why do you often come, only in my dreams?
Come during daylight hours.
Make me your dream..come now, let's both together scream!

You have a gift for conveying emotion!

Love Mand xxxx

You have a gift for conveying emotion! thanks
I shall en-cash it!

This one ,i partially watched a You Tube music
and converted the background into poetic prosaic with ellipses ,
which I am aware should be eliminated .
Since you all have given genuine feed back
I shall come back

loved

author comment

So many times I have seen you,
in my dreams

yell and scream!

edit

loved

author comment

I like it better :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Me too! :)

and of course
Ian too
so to 3 of u
thank u

loved

author comment

It is a pleasure to entwine
Our words with thine
To walk with humons so
As on life's sojourns we go
Take heed and know that we are here
Walking with you as there is no fear.
Have a lovely day out there
It is only I that is so free
They know me as Ian.T.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

have a cup of tea
be happy
as you are so kind and friendly

loved

author comment
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