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Venus
There's
something sculpted
about you;
statue-like, perfect.
Aloof with
the cool confidence
of a monarch.
Your gaze,
it cuts through me
with a cold heat;
unseeing, uncaring.
Am I not here,
or your regard
doesn't fall so
low
I can't be here,
for you don't
see me
fall to my knees.
Cupid's switched
his bow and quiver
for a .50 caliber.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-01-07 19:08
Jermaine
Never trust another person with a gun LOL.
Fun Piece, an old saying of getting the bullet is to lose ones job,
but I guess you need a flak jacket.
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Jermaine
Wed, 2014-01-08 08:02
Lol. I suppose I do need one
Lol. I suppose I do need one Ian, thanks
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2014-01-08 22:47
hello
It Does seem as if some women are on a different level than we lowly men lol. I'm a bit undecided about whether some of these lines should be combined so I'll try to come back later and give it more thought.......stan
weirdelf
Thu, 2014-01-09 04:24
I keep seeing Kate Moss
(though that's not terribly unusual)
Yes, I get this, and it kind of got me.
I did a recording, hope you like it.
It's my first attempt with Soundcloud so let me know what you think, like, if it works [grins]
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/venus-submitted-by-jermaine/s-XT0nq
cheers,
Jess
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