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Deeds indeed

Submitted by loved on Sun, 2013-12-29 21:03

Do well
be good
good deeds are rarely forgotten

though many do
but
postmortem speaks of the whole truth
good as well as bad,

If one had AIDS
tis sad
and
if someone did pierce
tis worse.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

billypringle

Mon, 2013-12-30 05:54

billypringle's picture

Tis nice to wake
to laughter, jolly
hard, belly roll
laughter, to hear
the lungs bellow
feel eye's burn
with tears. Tis
good to laugh.

jimm

mand

Mon, 2013-12-30 06:38

mand's picture
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I see the Troll is at it again! Lol

Inspired by Raj's senryu me thinks! I like the encouragement of the first stanza! I hope you don't mind but I did a little tweaking - ( ignore if you don't like it ). I love that you answered Raj's senryu with a poem - you have a heart of gold!!

Do well, be good
good deeds are rarely forgotten.

A heart will be made known.
“good as well as bad”
in the post-mortem of the whole truth.

Keep safe my friend!! Ignore the Troll!! Lol

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

billypringle

Mon, 2013-12-30 06:52

billypringle's picture

You've only just arrived here and your making friends already. have you even bothered to feel this poem? its utterly ridiculous.
Jimm

loved

Mon, 2013-12-30 10:10

loved's picture

will redo

loved

author comment

William Saint George

Mon, 2013-12-30 06:59

William Saint George's picture

except the last stanza. I don't really get it. It doesn't seem to me to fit the message of the previous two.
Not saying you should remove it, I just want to know why it's there.

But the second stanza made me smile. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

loved

Mon, 2013-12-30 10:11

loved's picture

after funsters
have their silly laughs

loved

author comment
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