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Communal Ground
Who is the muddy patch
that outlived night
and storm,
that grew wild flowers
to deck its trampled head?
It is their habit, I have learned,
some people come
to steal the roses ere they bloom.
They sing a little while,
then dance among
the fallen leaves,
only to be gone by morning,
without goodbyes
and promises of return,
leaving footprints in the earth.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Ghana
Favorite Poets
William Shakespeare, Lord Byron, John Keats, Percy Shelley, Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Henry Longfellow, William Yates, Ezra Pound, Sylvia Plath
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Comments
eightmenout
Tue, 2013-12-24 15:40
William
Not sure about the title. i see how it fits in, but it doesn't lend much to the piece for me.
Your language is excellent.
Thanks for posting,
Scott
Scott
William Saint George
Tue, 2013-12-24 18:24
I felt
the same way about the title. Do you have any suggestions? I thought "Communal Ground" will be better, but this poem is a direct response to another written by a friend, titled "communal heart". I didn't want the titles to be too similar.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2013-12-25 05:28
Sorry mate,
It's not just the title for me.
Somehow it fails for me too convey the pagan sense of fun it should. Or am I reading it all wrong?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
William Saint George
Wed, 2013-12-25 06:21
You're reading it all wrong.
You're reading it all wrong. It might be that I'm not communicating the message clearly enough.
What I'm trying to describe is the situation I find myself in most of the time. I meet new people and a friendship develops. Then they suddenly leave my life, without any good reason. But after recovering from the loss of their friendship, I realize that I still carry a part of them with me. Those are the footprints I am describing.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2013-12-25 07:07
Ah! I should have had my Raybans on!
Now I get it. Poetry is so weird. Sometimes I pride myself on my insight and ability to help people find their voice, at others I screw up so badly it's as if I'm reading a completely different poem.
I continue to try and please forgive my complete misconstrual.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Wed, 2013-12-25 10:40
The title
and the first stanza mislead. But it isn't bad to let the piece talk differently for each reader..I believe :)
You have some splendid imagery there where I am left sometimes speechless.
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