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Slumming
neon webs
bounce, the boom
a blended haze
saturday slinkers
crowding
burst of youthful lust
horns and hubbub
the splash and spill
drums pounding
deep into the wilds
the joint's gone high-octane
swelling
hot
joy's ragged edge
feral
uninhibited
exhilerating
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Fri, 2013-11-15 03:33
Hi Brittle Light
This is a tonic for a winters day! All the joy, sights, sounds and colours roll together in a joyful carnival party.
Love the language and imagery.
Thanks for sharing!
Love Mand xxxx
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 14:57
Hello Mand
thank you so much for your thoughts
I do appreciate them....even though this reply is so late....my bad! (manners)
Al
Ian.T
Fri, 2013-11-15 03:55
Al
Loved the write, but do I detect a little laze there when using "feral" as a single line.
There are quite a few poets using this word, leaving it up to the reader to make their own picture of a very wide scope.
Am I being picky here when I would rather have three words than one to describe something ?????
If I am just ignore me, lol Yours Ian
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 15:01
Ian
I shan't ever intentionally ignor you....Just simply disagree sometimes
thanks for at least making me re-think my position, and choices.
sorry for the late responce
Al
Seren
Sat, 2013-11-16 06:56
Al
There is so much to like about this poem, I loved it and I adored the ending it felt exhilarating ;)
nothing to crit, except I disagree with Ian's comment on feral (sorry Ian lol) I like it on its own, giving all the imagery that goes with it and for me it sets up the ending perfectly
I have to give you kudos I loved it
love JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-11-16 09:17
JC
Damn xx
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Sat, 2013-11-16 09:30
Ian
Sorry lol xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 15:04
JC
thanks...my hero (heroine) coming to my rescue from mean ol' Ian...His reputation is now suspect!!!
glad you enjoyed the piece
Al
Ian.T
Mon, 2013-12-16 15:22
Al
My cave is dark and deep
I retreated for a sleep
A rest from all my friends
Who have taunted me no end.
My snores never reach the doors
As there ain't any on a cave
I love all my friends they keep me alive.
So you're lucky Digit is here with me
I will let him free after xmas you see
So you'd better stay my friends
or come to nasty ends lol
He can be a lovely fellow.
Of late he's been quite mellow
Though I think he's a funny guy and quite
Feral
La la..
Have a lovely Christmas and my love to all those around you,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 15:32
Ian
and Merry Christmas to you and all Merry ol' England!
Al
Lenny of Cohen
Wed, 2014-06-11 21:23
Yep!
Liked this a lot!
_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent
Wei Wu Wei