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Fun

Fun

A Kookaburra whispered in my ear.
That he wanted to know of my life here
I told him to go jump in the pond
"But of him, I was very fond"

I raced to retrieve my pen and pad
Then threw it away which may sound sad
Talking about sad it is a thing of misery
As the nights grow longer it entraps me

They did this entrapping thing in another land
To catch diamond smugglers with red hands
This reminded me of a job I’d done
Painting a chair for my dear ole Mum

Bless her soul as Parents go
She was an angel you know
Not that bloody great statue
They have erected in the north

Alaska would be a place I would love to go
With huskies and lots of Virgin snow
Would be a paradise if I changed my religion
Though would have to send notes by carrier pigeon

Not the Passenger one he met his demise
Evolution they call it but they don’t realise
It may catch us out one day as the Earth turns that way
Where we will become a was species in time

Now it is time for me to go
I hope you have enjoyed this journey so
I will to the bottom of my garden walk
To find a bird that laughs not talks

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I must take more time out and write a good linked piece or two, they are fun.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked this...I liked the rhyme, the flow and the light hearted whimsical feel the piece gave off. Always good to read something light this stressful time of year.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Thank you for your visit, this piece was hurried, so needs a little help from my friends, it was that Jess said can I write something that is fun.
Hence the start and end are Kookaburra orientated, the rest is a string of words linked somehow with the previous line or two lines, ie: north then Alaska as in North to Alaska etc: but as I said it needs a little work.
Thanks again young lady will talk later,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

the latest bird
flying free
will swallow like an eagle
just you see
I have been watching
closely

loved

Thank you for your visit, the bird has flown, a scit for Jess as he asked for a fun write but as I said to Carrie this needs a lot of work if time permits lol reference to that thing called Time you like.
Take care young Bard great to read some of you very good writes of late am waiting for some more, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

A Kookaburra whispered in my ear.
That he wanted to know of my life here
I told him to go jump in the pond
Then thought of him, I was very fond

seriously ? Then thought of him I was very fond? This is a classic beginners mistake never force a rhyme it makes everything following it seem awfully contrived which in this case it is. Almost every line is nonsensical ( was that your intention? if so then look to Lewis Carol for lessons) . There's hardly a line let alone the totality of the poem that makes sense and it certainly doesn't entertain or inform. One trick with these story poems is to know what one wants to say well before hand and muse on the subject . This poem looks thrown together from a rag bag of unconnected thoughts. On reflection , this has to be a joke, a poem written SO badly that any critique would be made redundant by the revelation of the joke. Please say it is so.
Jimm

Happy New Year Everyone

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

For all I know this man is a beginner and made beginners mistakes - on purpose they struck me as that and i said so. As for the stream of consciousness part well rubbish is still rubbish whether it streams from the backside or the mouth or fingers. It was put on here with a view to being "critiqued", which is what i did and to his own admission was put up here as a diversionary piece of tat.
Now I understand you are a naturally conciliatory person, of great forgiveness and heart and I also understand those qualities from a professional point of view having seen the good done by people with those skills in the field where far more serious offences occur but you misinterpret my valuation of this poem - it was tat , it is tat and is beyond saving because it was posted as a red rag. The fault if any is his own for revealing himself to be quite conflicted if not downright confrontational on the side of a pair of... well you made your own observations on that. So I'll leave it alone, move and say goodbye with only one piece of advice. Don't waste your time here, go elsewhere for exposure and support, this site is nothing but a cage for mudslinging bikini clad scrubbers.
Jimm

Thank you very much for your comments here, I have corrected the two lines that were orientated wrong in one case, and the other with two my's I was probably thinking too much of me at that point lol.
Jess asked me to write a fun piece, so I just jotted down this bunch of loosely connected lines, though they start with the Kookaburra and end up with the Kookaburra as that was where my thoughts were at that time.
Thank you again for your visit as usual your comments are of the highest level,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Thanks for the read and comment, this was a rough starter and I will sort out the flow a little later, as I met a little turbulence on the way down here.
I will sort all the problems out and then let you have it for your mag I am sure I can make it badder, Yours, Le moineau and friends.
.
"FEED THE SPUGGIES WINTER IS NEAR"

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Don't , please, don't extend due where due is not deserved. You kept yourself alive because ultimately the life force in you was stronger than the despair , this site did nothing but pat your back.. Now as for your writing , it shows promise and dedication but sorry your no philosopher.
Jimm

I have had a beautiful life surrounded by love and understanding, I only despair for a short while, at those around me that cannot understand the beauty they carry, no matter what they seem to want others to hear.
Your intrusion into the things, I write, is welcome, as it gives me another aspect of human behaviour to understand.
The way you talk to others and the respect you show to others is wanting, then you tell me about how good your work is.
When I visited my Family in Australia a year or so ago I gave my UN medal to my Grandson to keep, I have served in many theatres, not only war ones, as with quite a few of the poets here, and if you used this site better you would learn much more of human behaviour and feelings.
This is not only a poetic workshop, it is to some a sanctuary where they walk with others.
I have spent more than five or six years here, so as a newcomer, you know nothing of me yet judge me, this is a fault in your makeup,and needs addressing as soon as, or just leave,
Yours Yenti

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

But it is not needed to extend my reply to Billy he forgot to put a comma in to make it read as it should It should read:-
but sorry, your no philosopher, Jimm. " I read it as so"
It then makes sense.
Let this be an end to the war of the South against the South as our Jimm says he is from the South.
Take care both as always, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

' happy now Mr. Gatekeepers?

As for the poem, it is witty, lyrical, and readable, and as such, deserves the praise extended. As for the disparaging comments, they are nothing more than opinions which can either be taken to heart or laughed off. You know me, I always try to exit laughing, as should you, my friend! Good writing!

A pleasure to have you along for a while,
Even though I seem to be cross at things, inside I is laughing, as life is not to be taken that serious especially at my age.
I hope you and yours are doing well, give my love to all, and it is real great to see you so chirpy,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Lonnie has expressed my own thoughts.

joe

Is that it? Someone else has said what you want to say. Can I do the same perhaps ? To deepen your understand of good poetry, allow you an insight into the demands of metre, sonics, form, originality, quality of vocabulary, breadth of image, language? maybe one day I will but not today methinks, today is the day when you and Lonnie are one, subsumed by each others convergence of amateur "opinion". Great to have backslappers and blowhards along to keep the Butterfly's iron ego aloft.
Jimm

Dear Jimm,

it all comes down to opinion. doesn't it ? since my disability makes it difficult to write, I am grateful to fall upon another's opinion that matches mine. have written too much already.

read my biography,

cheers,

Geremia

One is no substitute for the other.
Jimm

yes, which is yours ?

I am not going to do battle with you, Jimm, it is a useless and destructive endeavor,

Geremia.

Avoiding to inform yourself of what you purport to want to write i.e poetry; is like going swimming without knowing how to swim. The result is that you drown and knowing that you're drowning is no substitute for knowing that you're drowning in water.
Jimm

.... my rates are very competitive. Your many spelling and grammatical errors are letting you down :(

TV inspired poetry with excerpts of the programe as content?
Surely your bankruptcy can fall no further.
Jimm

delighted you read it, but it appears you missed the point! No mind ay, I've updated my author comments just for you :) xx

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