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Folding Clothes.

Soon she will fold him
like one of his shirts on
the ironing board, like
one of his cheap cotton
underpants in the draw.

Soon she will whiten
his face, wipe all the
stains, all the little
dribbles of outrage
from his mouth clean
like one of her newly
laundered sheets.

She knows the
news to come.
He has betrayed her
once again, forgotten
her like their dog outside
the post office, left her in
the kindergarten of his
heart to wait .

Again

She knows her, she
speaks to her, they nod
each morning as they
pass by to school, they
even have coffee now
and then on Saturdays.

He thinks she doesn't know,
He thinks she cannot tell.
He thinks he is careful but
she sees their looks, feels
their eyes, as they caress
in the school yard.

Now she irons his clothes,
but soon she will fold his
bones, launder his head
and steam his bank account
clean.
. .

Editing stage: 

Comments

the quiet revolt like the quiet revolution to fulfill the quick thrill
not a switch thrown but like a river easing away its direction
many survive by the practical drives...

the last line was good....but not all men nor women are hoarders
of money..i was an emotional hoarder....drama and outbursts were
the flustered weather and the rare soft warm days were few...

safety in the forbidden....a mere foothold sometimes
in the claimage of loyalty and hard devotion
hard to awaken to the reality of either steak or breadcrumbs
while the plum pudding is soothed
with the real passion and giving
either physical or of the raw soul

but i like some of the more steady plans for
recovery.

keeping busy helps...

a wry poem
thank you

.

loved

you have range and versatility whilst retaining a strong voice.

I'm dead-set curious about your poetic past. Talent like this doesn't often spring from nowhere.

Sorry I can't offer any critique on this, just enjoyed it. And that's something, I have had troubles with an errant muse who seemed to have taken my passion for reading away along with my writing. Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Great poem, no unneeded words, glides from
the tongue with a waterfall of image and emotion
with an ease for the reader to relate.

thanks for posting,

Richard

What do you mean come out? I am a writer, a psychologist, a U.N ex-worker and a British male from the south. I am now unemployed and working for peanuts at a British university collating statistic on mental health issues in mexico over the past year. I have lived in Syria, Egypt, Greece and Turkey. Writing is a pastime that i began on the long cold evenings spent inside after a long days work in the field ( usually doing something quite menial and boring over long periods) building trust between communities, neighbors and even families in. My name is Jimm Stevens and I'm in my fifties. Apart from that would you like to know my sexuality preferences, peccadilloes, criminal convictions? Poetry needs no face in fact writing poetry is often helped by anonymity releasing the writer from prejudice and personal attack. In fact Baudelaire wrote anonymously for a awhile as his family was dead set on him being an overseas manager and not a "mad" poet.
Over the years I have amassed a whole series of stories and poems many of which are absolute rubbish ( and I have been told so) and my learning curve has been shallow and over a long period of time but I still remember the pain and anguish and self doubt of being criticised ( justifiably) by great teachers of the art who demanded better of me. I thought that that was the point of these poetry sites ( this is the first I have contributed too|) : Is it not? To become a better writer, to understand the dynamics of language better.
It seems though on reading a few of the comments here there are not a few writers who think more of their precious personal characters than they do of their poetry because so far all i have seen are one or two short critiques but quite a lot of immature griping and throwaway accusations. How can you expect anyone to want to become personally embroiled on a site that flings rubbish like this around and feel that they can share their deepest, most profound and personal thoughts without detriment to themselves or their aspirations to publish? As for the "fun" aspect and the " sexual doggerel" ( its not even that good) I tend to avoid it because it's bad reflection on one's inner life. I haven't had time to grow in that sort of man life has been far too challenging in the past two decades to let smut grow over my intellectual faculties.
Jimm

author comment

It seems a little crowded in this place. Is this what it's like? being trolled, insulted, attacked for stating one''s opinions here. Is this the present state of this poetry site ? How do you put up with it? This thing , this troll is nauseous, inarticulate, and boorish.
Jimm

author comment

you are showing your true colours Ephraim and they stink of malicious mischief making. Please, don't go back to that persona, we had begun to like and value you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Sure let's see that.

Soon she will fold him
like one of his shirts ( yes!!)
on the ironing board, like
one of his cheap cotton
underpants in the draw.

Soon she will whiten
his face, wipe all ( well spotted)
stains, all the little
dribbles of outrage
from his mouth clean
like one of her newly
laundered sheets.

She knows the
news to come.
He has betrayed her
once again, forgotten
her like their dog outside
the post office, left her in
the kindergarten of his
heart to wait .

She knows her, she
speaks to her, they nod
each morning as they
pass to school, they
even have coffee now
and then on Saturdays.

He thinks she doesn't know,
He thinks she cannot tell.
He thinks he is careful but
she sees their looks, feels
their eyes, as they caress
in the school yard.

Now she irons his clothes,
but soon she will fold his
bones, launder his head
and steam his bank account
clean.

Definitely an improvement on the reading . Thank you.

Jimm

author comment

I am presently reviewing all commentary relating to this disruption....................stan

and in addition a hypocrite, though neither Eph or I intend to carry on this public brawl, which is more undignified than anything I have ever written. I see you jumped to Ian's defence, quite rightly, but appear to condone personal attacks on us. Furthermore, you have misinterpreted posts I have written, for the sole purpose, it appears, of alienating us further. You clearly have a personal vendetta. I sincerely hope the AC isn't as bias as you.

ps, you have played right into my hands though, because at least it woke you all up, even if it is only to do a bit of childish sniping. Let's face it, not much happens around here! lol.

As for me, I only comment on a poem, and try to leave personalities out of it, though I may have lapsed a time or two! I liked the way this one felt when read, and how it fitted together so tightly. You seem to have a subtle way with your messaging, and that is also a good thing! Keep on doing what you do, it is quite fresh!

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