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We really should go to Hell...

We really should go to Hell…

I hear the soulful sound of the whale
that great beast that commands our sea’s.
The squawk of Gull or squeal of Hawk,
all are carried over on an angry breeze.

A giant Bear stands tall but hungered,
roars from an iceberg so very small.
We hear, wondering why he’s angered,
not giving thought to our actions at all.

Listen and you’ll hear the Seal cub,
calling to her mother wanting milk.
Man calls for more land to be raped,
that his sleeping attire be made of silk.

The Tiger growls with pain and fear,
caught in man’s trap cut to the bone.
Her cubs die never again seeing her,
mother she will die, alone.

Time after time man intrudes on them,
Elephant’s shot so man can get a rise,
Mountain Lion's for fur, lets kill them all,
Kangaroos are fun, shoot out their eyes.

Man’s greed for oil that must be the worst,
owner’s wealth can make a president or king.
If they’re filthy spills were killing humans,
from a bloody hangman’s rope they’d swing.

But it’s only birds, fish or plants that we kill,
still car’s are faster with the petrol made now.
We haven’t time to waste on any animal’s life,
look, a stuffed Lion made of plastic, holly cow.

What animal are we that won’t listen to their cries,
turning from all the horror that man does so well.
When animal kills a human we so quickly despise,
for all the murder man has done, I wish there was a hell…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Will we ever stop our murdering, i don't think so...
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you, and i will correct my mistakes with seas and lions, but i made no apologies for the use of rape. As far as i'm concerned that's exactly what man has done to this earth. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

there are a few meter flaws and words that stumble.
This work has a depth of feeling with integrity, without sentimentality, unusual for what might be called a 'cause' poem

A few things jar... just some suggestions

all are carried over on an angry breeze.
all are carried on an angry breeze.

Her cubs die never seeing her again,
but mother, she will die on her own.
Her cubs die never seeing,
mother dies soon, alone

Kangaroo, who can shoot out their eyes.
this just feels like forced rhyme.

Man’s greed for oil that must be the worst,
Man’s greed for oil; that must be the worst,

If they’re filthy spills were killing humans,
from a bloody hangman’s rope they’d swing.
[their filthy spills do kill humans, directly and indirectly, maybe more humans?]

But it’s only birds, fish or plants that we kill,
but my car’s faster with the petrol made now.
[ double but, and the lines don't really fit together]

look, a stuffed Lion made of plastic, holly cow. [even holy cow would feel forced here]

I hope you don't find this over-picky or critical, like I said, just suggestions. This is an exceptionally difficult content and structure to match and I think it is bloody good as is.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

No i don't find you over picky or critical, i welcome all comments and crits. I have changed parts of this poem but felt i should try to explain others. The part about the Kangaroos was to try and give a sense of the sporty, almost lighthearted way some people shoot the animals. The part about the stuffed Lions, was how we're educated to think how clever man's ingenuity forgeting the price the animals pay. Thank you for your comments and help, Regards Roscoe

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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