...

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Having read and critiqued poetry almost daily on Neopoet for the last 7 years it takes a lot to get me excited. Sad to say most of what I read is poorly written, unoriginal and voiceless. It's been less than weekly that I have critiqued lately.

I confess that it was your mention of one of my critiques that prompted me to check out your work, however anyone will tell you my critiques are always honest, if harsh, sometimes even abusive. This is the third of your works I've read tonight and I want to thank you. There is a reason why I hang out here.

The work speaks for itself. There are a few misplaced commas and spaces, it is worth attending to, they are a minor distraction. The only thing that doesn't work for me is the last line. You have an effective, understated style and that last line feels a bit dramatic. Maybe lose it altogether?

Excellent use of enjambment.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0iEfTuBe8Wy

You Must be young, full of hidden desires and needs,
driven by the tides of words that batter at the doors of
your mind with flourish of expression, tempted to
try something beyond your experience(not competence),
much as those who play the perpetual games of killing
others in their computer games, want more than more...
this is only the undercurrent that slinks along in the
subconscious as I read your poem.

It is exciting, and the true meanings elusive;
I am left with a conglomerate of thoughts that
ricochet about among your words.

Ann of Norway.