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Dangerous People

My professor told me that we’re a dangerous breed
Fooling people into the state of mind that we live and breathe
Throwing words around like some crazy son of a gun
Say what you want that man knows his logic and then some,

So have I been a criminal all along
A crook
A thinker
Some crazy man with ideas and on the run,

I've committed the crime of changing your mind
And above all I think I just wasted your time,
Telling you my sob stories and sharing some pathetic rhymes,

So do hang up this foolish act?
And philosophize for the rest of my life?

I don’t know about that
But that seems to be the road I’m strolling on
A newborn philosopher
Out on the run.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I really like the theme and what you have to say and mostly how you say it. May just be that I am tired so I will check in again with a fresher mind.

8

Scott

Hey thanks. And yeah I know the feeling of reading through something with a tired mind.

author comment

I have read it again, but I am exhausted once more. So I have decided that I will always read this poem when I am tired and therefore never have an opportunity to stop liking it.

On The Road has inspired me to seek similar adventures to this day. I had a few when I was younger. Even had my own Dean Moriarty of sorts. Haven't seen him in 20 years. Probably a good thing.

Really enjoyed the write, sorry I have nothing to offer in the way of critique.

Scott

and punctuation! last paragraph is an excellent finish!

.

My professor told me
we’re a dangerous breed
fooling people into the state of mind
that we live and breathe
throwing words around
like some crazy son of a bee
say what you want
man knows his logic
but only some,

I been a criminal all along
a crook
a thinker
some crazy man
with ideas
still on the run,
I’ve committed the crime
of changing your mind
above all I think
I’ve just wasted your time,
telling you my sob stories
sharing some pathetic rhymes.
So do hang up this foolish act
to philosophize for the rest of my life…
I don’t know about that
that seems to be the road…
I’m strolling on
a newborn philosopher
out to be a marathoner…
(on the run….)

My draft was in italics here it does the vanishing trick Sir I dare to my views air share or else flare...

loved

Yes it's very nice and more poetic and well thought out, but I can't change what I wrote. I still thank you for reading and taking the time to add. It's just that I've seen this many times, people who take what I wrote and edit and add more to passages and what not. If I change it then it won't be the same, it will not be mine, it won't carry the same magic, the magic that I felt while writing this. I wrote it it to tell it as it is. If I didn't now any better I'd say that a lot of people care more about the structure and presentation than what the poem has to say. I've never changed what I wrote, I've kept all my poems as is (unless there was some grammatical error I made that is obvious). I've kept them as is because they are pure and nothing more. So thank you again for reading. But don't always read through something with the mindset that there is room for improvement, read for the sake of experiencing, The writer has something to say, and he wants you to hear it, not fix it.

author comment

So apparently all you want is whether we like or dislike your poem? To each his own I guess but that really limits how people can respond. So I'll just say I agree with the premise that all poets are philosophers and all philosophers are poets. ...........stan

I have always said,
That to change but one word of a poem is to write a new one.
Yet it is always good to know of others thoughts.
This is a workshop type of site where we post to learn.
We don't have to change a word but to accept others thoughts on your work will maybe enhance the next write.
It is a learning curve for us all, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Not my particular cup of tea in style, but the theme is fantastic and its truth rings through to the very end!

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