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poor those sullen minds
I thought poor … like pee
of those sullen minds
till I met and read ye
you held my hand….
many try to kill…
and upon others soil till …
that is the way with this wicked world…
we all know…
how the real ones perish…
whilst others glow…
and so it's time to surface here ..
and form a tracer… like a bullet...
and so may it be the violet...
I held to my feet
dug deep ...
as I learnt then
when we did meet
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2013-11-09 00:32
Nice one
Sullen mind, wicked ones is causing much sorrows in the earth.
Deep and heartfelt. With all this never ending trail upon people sullen anyone's thinking.
I'm tired so I hope I get it.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
loved
Sat, 2013-11-09 01:55
thanks for passing by
I very much appreciate
loved
Seren
Sun, 2013-11-10 01:03
Loved
There are some really good lines in this one I would love to see it tightened up with an edit. By the way I noticed in one of your comments to me you asked about an edit, was that recent or from some time ago? you will have to remind me.
I liked the content of this one you can really turn out some surprising writes sometimes :)
love JC xxx
p.s. I think this one could do with a better title that one just doesn't do it for me
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
loved
Sun, 2013-11-10 12:34
thanks
in the meantime
please edit this
as I locate the recent comment of yours
on the other one..
which I will have to revisit
loved
loved
Sun, 2013-11-10 14:45
the other one is
and Who is God
loved