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Needles

I lie here, dick-length from
your perfect warmth
and it stings, knowing
what I'll do to you

The tar-thick scent of decay
already writhes between us

and it's only a matter of time
before my needles fuck through
your beautiful skin
like a thousand
bloated
pricks
desperate to spray your insides
with all my dirt and revulsion

I press my face hard against
the matted fuzz on your chest
knowing that I need to let you go

I cannot even look at you
without feeling tumorous

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
(I was unsure as to wether to post this here or not. I understand it's a pretty full-on piece .... it was brought about by a cancerous guilt and a dying relationship)
Editing stage: 

Comments

in-------------------
to go and cum again
from
D U P

loved

I can almost smell it, so rich in imagery and sense.
We seldom get such honest, gut level work here.

I've been recording my own readings of people's work and posting them as a form of feedback but not sure if I can do this. For starters I'm not female, but I'm willing to give it a try if you would like to hear it in another voice.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I appreciate your thoughtful review and Yes! I would adore to hear your voice breathe some life into this. It would be an honour!

author comment

right click on the link.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s06okUhNAuzs

On further reading the line
knowing that I need to let you go
jars a bit, almost like a bit of psycho-babble on a post-it note stuck to a pile of steaming guts. Perhaps
you are gone
or
feeling your empty husk
just ideas, you know? Something more in tone with the rest.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Utterly Superb. You gave it breath!
Thank you so much for that. I truly appreciate it.

Would you allow me to respond by reciting one of yours?

author comment

You choose which one.
You've seen the Vocaroo site now, for explicit instructions see Beau's workshop-

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/audio-neopoet

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

in dup is it ?

loved

Yes!..
Dup was my other home :)
May I ask what your name was there, Loved?

author comment

if you read me here more
you will know my worth as before
I visit that site no more
but at times
only and rarely
unobtrusively

only

ur in good hands here
ur worth is much more
i read Orphy and u and a third guy
i forget his name
wonderful were u three
all knew
but that was not my cup of tea,..
love to read more of u

loved

I have nothing to offer in the way of crit, this is real and gritty, this is great poetry.

Brava

regards JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

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