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Needles
I lie here, dick-length from
your perfect warmth
and it stings, knowing
what I'll do to you.
The tar-thick scent of decay
already writhes between us
and it's only a matter of time
before my needles break through
your beautiful skin
like a thousand
bloated
pricks
spraying your insides
with all my dirt and revulsion.
I press my face hard against
the matted fuzz on your chest
knowing that I need to let you go.
I can't even look at you
without feeling tumorous
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
(I was unsure as to wether to post this here or
not. I understand it's a pretty full-on piece ....
it was brought about by a cancerous guilt
and a dying relationship)
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
loved
Fri, 2013-11-08 13:15
deep you come
in-------------------
to go and cum again
from
D U P
loved
weirdelf
Fri, 2013-11-08 11:24
My word! Worth posting.
I can almost smell it, so rich in imagery and sense.
We seldom get such honest, gut level work here.
I've been recording my own readings of people's work and posting them as a form of feedback but not sure if I can do this. For starters I'm not female, but I'm willing to give it a try if you would like to hear it in another voice.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
violet
Fri, 2013-11-08 11:35
yes!
I appreciate your thoughtful review and Yes! I would adore to hear your voice breathe some life into this. It would be an honour!
weirdelf
Fri, 2013-11-08 11:51
ok
right click on the link.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s06okUhNAuzs
On further reading the line
knowing that I need to let you go
jars a bit, almost like a bit of psycho-babble on a post-it note stuck to a pile of steaming guts. Perhaps
you are gone
or
feeling your empty husk
just ideas, you know? Something more in tone with the rest.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
violet
Fri, 2013-11-08 14:35
.
Utterly Superb. You gave it breath!
Thank you so much for that. I truly appreciate it.
Would you allow me to respond by reciting one of yours?
weirdelf
Fri, 2013-11-08 21:43
I would be honoured
You choose which one.
You've seen the Vocaroo site now, for explicit instructions see Beau's workshop-
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/audio-neopoet
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Fri, 2013-11-08 13:13
i have read you before
in dup is it ?
loved
violet
Fri, 2013-11-08 14:37
Yes!..
Yes!..
Dup was my other home :)
May I ask what your name was there, Loved?
loved
Fri, 2013-11-08 15:45
i have read you before
if you read me here more
you will know my worth as before
I visit that site no more
but at times
only and rarely
unobtrusively
only
ur in good hands here
ur worth is much more
i read Orphy and u and a third guy
i forget his name
wonderful were u three
all knew
but that was not my cup of tea,..
love to read more of u
loved
Seren
Sun, 2013-11-10 01:32
Brilliant Poetry
I have nothing to offer in the way of crit, this is real and gritty, this is great poetry.
Brava
regards JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats