Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Brilliant comment,,,now poetry

Submitted by loved on Sun, 2013-11-03 23:11

your brilliant remark as a comment

sparks my mind with a momentary lament... a rumored love story ...between a hubby and wifey ...they tried for years ...but she couldn't conceive ...and said if she couldn't ...at least he could....

times lapsed into poetic history.... she denied him of his desired curry ... yet he savored her from day one ....till she did him abandon ....gave only bed tea and said ....stay away from me ...she couldn't conceive she knew it ....a tumor since birth did she carry ...he was denied the elementary need of a hubby ...she denied it unknowingly

he had cancer later ...he could have lived much longer.....but was denied the last days ....of lovers plays ....till he decayed and died ....slowly passed many a years into oblivion ...we all call time ....

she followed not too soon ....but after another decade or so ....till her rumor turned into a tumor ...and doctors smashed their heads ....why did they not know.....

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-11-04 03:04

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

You did read my comment poem then?????
As this is as good as replies get thank you.
Good write there Young Bard just a tad mixed up or was it just the way I read it,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

mand

Mon, 2013-11-04 11:04

mand's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi Loved! Your mind works in wonderful ways!

I enjoyed the read - I think it needs more pondering - so will have to return!

Hope all is well with you.

Love Mand xxxx

loved

Mon, 2013-11-04 11:45

loved's picture

my mind shall wonder
what lies in store
lest I am branded
a bore

loved

author comment

mand

Wed, 2013-11-06 07:28

mand's picture
Volunteer badge

Not really sure what to say about this one Loved - part of me thinks it's very sad - but on the other hand I see humour in it - it's a zingling mixture! But I enjoyed the read - it is funny how in life obvious things go unnoticed - and we just don't put two and two together!

I won't be around for a couple of days ( between Thursday afternoon - and Tuesday ) But I look forward to catching up with everyone's work when I get back.

Take care - and look after that Ian chap for me!!!

Love Mand xxxx

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.