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A New Life
We thought that moving to a place
with springs, grass-field and butterflies
would make it better for us, but it was all vanity;
like in the city when we were complaining about overdue bills,
traffic, noise and lack of privacy,
we are now polluting this serene place
with our petty fights.
If it is possible to move to heaven right now,
I think God would kick us back to this blue ball……..
Honey, I think it’s time that we change our attitude
towards each other, and rekindle our passionate love,
rather than moving from one place to another.
Source: A New Life - Change Poems, Life Poems, True Love Poems http://www.poemsclub.com/a-new-life.html#ixzz2hrpyB4Aa
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Tue, 2013-11-05 11:38
I like the message and
I like the message and simplicity of this one!
Its honest, concise, clear and easy to understand - which is what is appealing about it.
Well done.
Love Mand xxx
wesley snow
Tue, 2013-11-05 17:14
An uplifting writing.
I have read more positive poems today than all month previous.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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