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Shame On You!

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
you earthly gods!
stealing young children,
using them as sex slaves.
YOUR COLD BONES WILL CRUMBLE TO DUST IN YOUR GRAVES.

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
you business men!
skinning animals,
while hearing their screams.
YOUR DEAD HEARTS WILL FILL YOU WITH FRIGHTENING DREAMS.

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
you charlatans!
pretending you care.
making profit from greed.
YOUR THICK BLOOD WILL CLOG UP YOUR VEINS WHEN YOU BLEED.

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
you law judges!
enticed by a bribe,
always changing the rules.
YOUR MIND’S WILL BE SHACKLED, LIKE UNRESTRAINED FOOLS.

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
propagandists!
encouraging war,
hiding behind God‘s name.
YOUR BLEAK SOUL WILL WITHER WHILE PLAYING THIS GAME.

SHAME ON YOU - shame on you!
you rich bankers!
ripping off the poor,
while you laugh in their face.
YOUR DEEDS WILL BE LOATHED IN ETERNAL DISGRACE.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Angry rant!
Editing stage: 

Comments

CRUMPLE
perhaps ....crumble ..may be better

and repeating shame on you twice and every time perhaps ....may appear a bit too jarring lest my mind be wanky
also Caps they say is also like abusing may be shouting ....
so care ....
if you please to edit it

loved

Thanks for your input! Always appreciated - I've changed crumple to crumble ( much better ). Keeping the caps because I was meaning to shout!. There is a video on You Tube ( I didn't watch it - my son did ) of men skinning a dog alive, presumably to sell its fur. Apparently after it was skinned it looked at the men with deep sadness, no doubt it died not long after. I'm angry that such barbarity goes on in the world.

I'll think about your suggestion of repeating shame. But I'm tending to agree.

Thanks Loved!

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I agree with loved on this one, though the repeat of Shame if used should be the other way around as if shouting from the hills then hearing the echo from those empty heads that you are shouting at if you see what I mean.
The reason for the write is good enough and makes a difference to the read, but methinks that should be apparent in the words you write??
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Done the edit! Thank you Guys - I appreciate your input and help!

Thanks for reading, comments and wisdom.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

hey, i love the raw emotion on this one. i can feel it so strongly..

alid

One of my goals "as a poet" it to try and write rhyming poetry with emotion! It's something "in my mind" I need to work on - amongst other things. So I am so happy with your comment and I feel very encouraged. Soo a big thank you from me to you.

Keep safe

LOve Mand xxxx

author comment

i don't know why some people tell me that poems with rhyming words are childish and old fashioned. This piece proves that they are wrong.Rather than looking at the words, its the message that the poet relays which is more important...as for old fashioned, i don't see the relevance. I have people asking me to use bigger, more deeper meaning words but my concern is that i might use them in the wrong manner.What do you think?

Alid

By the way, I need your comments on my poem titled "Broken". I want to ask for your suggestion on how I could put in more feelings to it. still feel as if I could improve on it...Just have this feeling that something is missing but I really cant say what..

Alid

I will try to visit you as soon as possible. I've taken to getting up early to make comments before work - but I'm still not catching up. I will make you a priority!

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

I wish such poems get published in the media so that the those who caused this write feel guilty when they read it...although it can be argued that they are most unlikely to have any interest in poetry...your indignation is nicely expressed through use of capitalization...it felt as though you allowed all those choked up feelings inside to burst out loud and clear...

raj (sublime_ocean)

You hit the spot! Poetry can be a non violent way of protesting and getting things off our chest! I guess this is one of those poems. Glad you got the point - it means I'm doing something right! Lol

Thanks Raj - your comments and observations mean a lot to me. Sorry about late reply.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

Good to know my reading of the poem was spot on. Yes, I agree that poetry is a medium to register a non violent protest and also to get the discomforting feelings off your chest...well done...

i must correct you "you are not doing something right" rather " you are almost always doing them right"...:)

a pleasure to read your straight off the chest ...no holds barred writes...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Powerful...'nuff said.................stan

This one is a bit of a screamer! Lol

Thanks for droppin by! Muchly appreciated.

LOve Mand xxxx

author comment

Can I have more of this type of poem, please? I like it when people show their feelings in poems.They are non-violent but they can still be very powerful.

All the best
Alid

Ahh O.k Alid I'll give it a go in the future - sorry I haven't been to visit, will get to you a.s.a.p

Nice of you to drop in - hope to see you soon.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

you take care, yeah

Alid

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