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Angelic

Submitted by Race_9togo on Fri, 2013-09-20 01:46

We are streams of wind that grow
with rising strength across the dark
of sleepless world and tired mind,
flags of breeze unfurled in might
to vanquish well all evil ends
from sacredness of life

We are glowing embers swirling up
from cooling ash of bleak despair
reaching out to warm defeated thoughts
and light the shattered hearts of all those
wracked by endless anguished sadness
with ancient fires of delight

We are spray of spindrift joy
blown from surging crests of understanding
spreading from enlightenment
to wash away all ignorance of grace
and quench the arid thirst of
parched and yearning minds and hearts

We are the constancy of fortress
rising from the bitter plain of war
the bastion of fertile earth
that breaks the mindless smash of battle
and leaves behind the healing peace
no vengeance can withstand

We are pure light
energies entwined through life
foundations of the living cosmos
shouting deity and grace
as sweet revealing brightness
builds the paths we flow within

we are angelic.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0VWDsVzfo3I

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Ian.T

Fri, 2013-09-27 18:42

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"We Are" yet we could be, I am of the leanings that we are here to learn of many things and we can only enhance our Spirit beings by learning of how we should be.
One day as we pass to the other realms, where many religions have built a heaven, we are told that we are responsible to judge our own ways, can you imagine that?
We are all the things you say and if we live as those things , then we will have completed a beautiful journey.
I am always referring to the children and what they have taught me of their being and ways, they don't visit so much now, as their teacher Tuo has said that I can write of those ways, now that they have taught me many things, but that is another story.
I am not sure how to write nowadays as the audience here is few, to improve the writing and understanding you need contact through critique and the comments.
I have been here a long time and maybe I have become stale, I have found that the odd dark poem draws more comments than a good one like this, don't worry about the absence of the comments it is a laze that has descended on the site.
Take care out there and Keep writing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Race_9togo

Mon, 2013-09-30 23:51

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Thanks for reading and enjoying.
Yes, it does seem that real critique is dropping off here, and I agree that darker poetry appears to attract more responses.
However, it could just be that a growing number of us have other things to attend to. Also, I have noticed that a growing number of Neopoets do not want any honest, in-your-face criticism, its all "Moderate" or "I'm SOooo sensitive, don't critque harshly", which quite frankly I wish Andrew and the others would eliminate - those entirely defeat the purpose of our site, imo. As I've said before, leave your ego at the virtual door, if you cannot take honest, decent, real criticism without having a hissey-fit or being petulant.

I've also noticed that a growing number of poets whose work one criticizes do not bother to respond, and while I have been guilty of this in the past as well, its usually because I forgot to reply. I think some of those I've critiqued lately - you know who you are - either don't believe that my criticism was "polite" enough - damn, I hate that - or that their work is so good that they can simply ignore what anyone says about it.

Concerning the poem, I wrote it from the point of view of Enochian Angels (Air, Fire, Water, Earth and Spirit) after a discussion with a friend of mine who is an initiate of those mysteries, but since the whole idea of that particular brand of ceremonial magic (magik, according to its practitioners) is to investigate the nature of angelic intelligences, and instill within oneself all of the qualities of those angels, It works either way!
Thanks again.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-10-28 19:32

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Thanks for your comprehensive answer, as you know I think we call Spindrift "White Horses" as pertaining to those beautiful sprays that fly as a Pegasus off the top of a wave.
I have been at sea in a force 10 plus and the energy is absolute, it is fearful when the waves with their Spindrift hover over the top of the ship you are in.
We did sea trials on a few ships of the line and we had to go out looking for bad weather just like storm chasers, I tell you this is where you see your Past reflected in the mirror held there in a moment by each storm driven wave. But that's another story..
I don't think I could put up with it now but the experience was one I was so glad to have had..
Take care out there and thanks for the communication,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

wesley snow

Mon, 2013-10-28 14:43

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Good word.
The success of this poem lies in its impeccable "rhythm".
Please note I did not say meter. It is not metrically perfect and hence is musical.
After your comment I am sorry I could not insult you, but this is superb.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Race_9togo

Mon, 2013-10-28 15:11

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Yeah 'spindrift' is one of my favorite words, I must admit, and I've used it in more than one poem!
As I go along this path of poetry, I've come to realize what, for me, is a Truth; rythym is more important than meter.
I'm not saying that meter is bad - its a vital component of poetry, without which writing poetry would simply be putting words on paper. And I do use meter - da DUM da DUM da DUM in this piece, mainly - but I change it at will, wherever I think it needs changing, and this, for me, makes for a better cadence and flow, which is what I really strive for, when I make poetry.
LOL...Good criticism is never insulting, Wes.
Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Seren

Sat, 2014-01-25 08:49

Seren's picture

I have been reading through some of your poems and I have to say this is brilliant, there are so many great lines and stanza's I cant pick a favourite, I needed to read something like this tonight and this soothed my soul for a minute or two

thank you my friend for the beauty of your words, Lovely poem

and a...sigh

love always JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Race_9togo

Tue, 2014-01-28 23:36

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Its good to know that what I write can do that, for you. Makes me feel good!
:D

Think it might be time to light another bonfire?

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/virtual-pagan-light-lady-i-know

<large virtual hug for the Oz Lady>

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Seren

Thu, 2014-01-30 07:13

Seren's picture

I have the wood lets light the fire, I still have that poem here on my hard drive I read it from time to time it always makes me feel better after I read it thank you again...

(((((((((biggest hug))))))))

love JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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