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A new place

From a place that is waiting there for me
Not my cave, and that bloody cup of tea
I have told you so many times before
That I may be the keeper of the door

I shall laugh out so loud like a thunder clap
Saying do you remember this old chap
The one who you gave no space to
Well this place is full and can’t take you.

I know many people that can sit at my side
They gave their best and in love did reside
Here we have no place for bigots who
Had a chance to be, with me and you

Then you would have learned of love and things
Maybe we could have laughed at your angel wings
But they are only there for the children you know
When their life was short and we loved them so

They live here with us each to their own
No boy or girl thing that’s now all gone
Kindred spirits is what we have all become
You can come in I was just having fun..

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The other half of one I wrote the other day it was suggested I just use the first five stanzas so I left this part off..
Editing stage: 

Comments

Just you wait was split in two so here's the second part,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Trying to assess so many details... Have you died in this scenario? are you standing in St. Peter's place? Structurally all fine, except for this one line which I find rather archaic:

"You had your chance to with me tarry" Perhaps it is the way the wording is laid out too, just seems a little "awkward". Otherwise, seems very 'tongue in cheek'? Could be wrong, so don't keep me in suspense! ;)
Cheers
Boni

Bonitaj

As suggested can't remember who lol
I split this piece off from the original.
I have stopped Tarrying and gone full speed for now.
Someone has got to look after the gates when St Peter is not there, and it is not in my beliefs that he is there, that we become Spirits of energy is OK for me.
It's a fun piece really, yep I would have had to died to do that job, but I think I shall help the children over there as I have told them so..
Just can't be bothered to be a gate keeper when there is no gate, lol.
Thanks for your visit, take care out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Nice poem! light hearted with a underlying message. I like the cheeky ending! Made me smile.

rhyming flowed very nicely.

Love Mand xxxxx

...''''Well this place is full and can’t take you............by Ian.......''''

Every 100 years at least
three and a half generations die
let's say pass by
where do they go and why
to the farfetched extremes of the universe
far and wide
ever expanding....
all our lives we desire to traverse
but towards the finality
we all find ourselves there
where we all are no body
just anywhere.

loved

In my piece I spoke of Angel Wings.
The children related to me that Bridie had dirty wings and would go and ask Sadie to clean them for her.
After this was done the little girl said that she wasn't going to clean Sadie's wings and just laughed.
Sadie said after that if they thought that they had wings, or their parents said it, as you would to a young child, then they would have them.
It is think, one of my poems was of the Dragons of old as you think of them then so they shall be, but there would be no killing the Dragon would be love as all things.
I think I have the audio recording of Bridie and the wings thing.
There was another child who wanted to know what happened to her legs only to be told that they didn't need them.
Loved it is a beautiful place, and it will be there, so there is no hurry, lol.
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

As we age

Loved it is a beautiful place, and it will be there, so there is

Lol
We both shall go
one behind the other
the Queens Band shall be playing

‘‘Come heaven and earth together ';''

both of us will walk in
hand in hand
Sadie will conduct us around
the invisible eternity's never ending sands

so will it be you will see!
Amen to all earthlings
twill be...(is)????

loved

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