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Second attempt at Dactylic

Submitted by mand on Mon, 2013-10-14 06:44

Boy, is it hard to be writing a verse like this.

Patiently presenting amazing story lines.

Perhaps I should be more careful and listen more.

after all writing is funny and exciting.

 

BOY, is it / HARD to be / WRIT..ing..a / VERSE like this.

PA..tient..ly / PRE..sen..ting / AMA..z..ing / STOR..y lines.

PER..haps I / SHOULD be more / CAR..ful and / LIST..en more.

AFTER all / WRIT..ing is / FUN..ny and / EX..cit..ing.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
The Bottom Line

Comments

Rula

Sat, 2013-10-19 08:17

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on this dear Mand.
As I see it, it is perfect.
The last line reads

AFT-er- all / WRIT..ing is / FUN..ny and / EX..cit..ing.

Have you given the anapastic any attempt yet?

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mand

Sun, 2013-10-20 07:37

mand's picture
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Nice to see you. No will attempt anapastic a.s.a.p

Thank you - I'm soo pleased!

Love Mand xxx

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