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Let Me Be

Submitted by William Saint George on Wed, 2013-10-09 05:01

Let me sing a song of love
and of the things that bring me joy.
Let me sing of heroes slain,
of noble men and grand ideals.

Let me sing a song of woe
to raise up torrents
stir the winds
and cause the storms to cry.

Let me sing a song of life
and of creation,
let us dance with words and wind
and let us sing, o let us sing!

Let me pipe a melody
that reeks
with sweet romantic glee,
let me pipe and let the birds
be put to shame
and learn from me.

Let me be the roaming goat god,
let me be the buzzing bee.
Let me be the singing sparrow,
swooping, soaring lithe and free!

If the world can be whatever
it may be, then why not me?

Let me choose which paths I tread
and let me find my way to death.
Let me choose to live again
and sing once more this sweet refrain.

But, alas it cannot be,
for men like us are no more free.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I just had to write this poem.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Wed, 2013-10-09 09:33

Rula's picture
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I like it ! I really do. Simple and very expressive.
If it were mine, I wish I can write so beautifully, I would change the title to something maybe like "freedom unattained" but you've chosen the refrain line as a tittle and it still works.

I would also use a more restricted form, something like that you've started with which started to go a bit loose towards the end, just to show that you're no more free but restrained in a way, but again that's only me.

I especially liked

"Let me pipe a melody
that reeks
with sweet romantic glee,
let me pipe and let the birds
be put to shame
and learn from me."

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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William Saint George

Wed, 2013-10-09 09:21

William Saint George's picture

I just wrote the poem, so it hasn't had time to "settle". I'll leave it like this until I start seeing the flaws for myself...it was such a joy to write!

I also love the stanza you pointed out.

As to the strictness of form, this was intended to be free verse, like much of the poems I'm reading from the free Amazon collection I got a while ago. I'm trying to master that sort of style that is natural but not too free.

Thanks for your suggestion Rula!

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

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